Show notes and transcripts powered with the help of Castmagic. Episode Transcriptions Unedited, Auto-Generated.
Tyson Gaylord [00:00:04]:
Welcome to the Social Chameleon Show where it's our goal to be learn, grow, and transform, and personally become. Today, I have the pleasure of talking with doctor Ravi Iyer, a Viro TEDx speaker, author, and transformational strategist with over forty two years of experience in medicine, science, and leadership. Doctor Iyer has been has worked with top executives, entrepreneurs, and high performers to help them overcome mental clarity, achieve inner silence, and unlock unparalleled focus and decision making power. Recognized among thought leaders like Simon Sinek, he specializes in breaking a cycle of burnout and the not enough mindset, guiding individuals toward abundance, clarity, and purpose. With an extensive background in biochemistry, Medicare biology, and high performance leadership, along with the groundbreaking work in health care research and innovation, doctor Iyer's insights lead to massive personal and professional breakthroughs. If you're ready to stop chasing and start creating, today's conversation will be the mindset reset you've been waiting for. Doctor Iger, welcome to the Social Community Show.
Ravi Iyer [00:01:01]:
Thank you. I'm looking forward to this conversation, Tyson.
Tyson Gaylord [00:01:07]:
As am I. I, was led onto your your viral TEDx, talk that you gave, a little while back. And one thing that stood out to me in that talk was the fact that you lost your laugh. Was that something metaphorical or actual?
Ravi Iyer [00:01:27]:
I actually did lose a little bit of that.
Tyson Gaylord [00:01:29]:
Can you talk us through that?
Ravi Iyer [00:01:32]:
I I was a pretty dark spot of my life. I went through a period where, I was I was beating beaten down by circumstances and by the judgment of society at that time. Mhmm. So sense of, self worth and sense of, direction. But not only was I was having a hard time finding clarity and direction in my own life, I had no at that time, I had no external reinforcement of self worth. So as a result, it was pretty hard for me to maintain my my sense of self worth without that external reinforcement and mentorship. So I so the way I dealt with it at that time was, when I did two things. One, when I found that everything was pretty demoralizing at that time, I withdrew away from contact with people who would make me feel worse.
Ravi Iyer [00:02:56]:
But during that period, I I pretty much, stopped talking to people, stopped talking to people, stopped mixing, stopped moving with people. Mhmm. Start, went into a pretty pretty solitary isolationist kind of situation, which could have easily spiraled downhill very easily. I think I was fortunate that, I used that time to kind of start seriously asking questions about how I actually saw the world around me. And, that that was fortuitous in in one way, and it led me down a path where I started seeing that my internal conversation about the events of my life were basically the lived experience of my life. And once I realized that, I started understanding that my internal conversation was a combination of the spontaneous thoughts that rose up in my head as well as the the comments and con conversations that were happening to me from the mouths of other people. Mhmm. So the first thing I did was I decided to move away from the conversations that were disempowering, the external conversation.
Tyson Gaylord [00:04:41]:
Oh, external. Okay.
Ravi Iyer [00:04:42]:
External I I I couldn't move away from the internal conversation that quickly. It was easier for me to move away from the external conversation, And I moved away from the external conversations and, preferred silence because having no disempowering external conversation was better than having, any you know, silence was better than having a disempowering inter external conversation. So I moved away from that. And then I started working on my internal conversation, and the internal conversation I started working on was I started looking at, okay, this particular idea that is coming up, where is it coming up from? And that began it wasn't easy enough. In the beginning, there were a lot of hits and misses and lot of stumbles. And but as time went on, I became better and better at creating a partition between my ability to observe and my ability to make a commentary about my observation. Mhmm. So these two things, I was able to stand in the center between these two facets of my being.
Ravi Iyer [00:06:06]:
And once I started becoming skilled as and I call that standing in the eye of the storm. The storm being the conversations that go on both external and internal. Mhmm. And once I started becoming very good at standing in the eye of the storm, I suddenly saw that I had great power to choose which conversation I needed to pay attention to. And from that point onwards, my career started zooming off.
Tyson Gaylord [00:06:35]:
And that's what we call nowadays mindfulness or something along those lines. Right?
Ravi Iyer [00:06:38]:
Yes. But I didn't have any term terminology for it. I just, it was kind of homegrown, and very, very lucky, I would say. But once it started taking off, then it took me about five years to get to that point. Mhmm. I was 18, 17 or so when I started by '22. And then from '22, it it there was no stopping me after that.
Tyson Gaylord [00:07:07]:
That reminds me of, I'm not sure where it comes from with that that that quote about the living the examined life or an unexamined life. Right? So when you live that examined life
Ravi Iyer [00:07:16]:
a life would, the unexamined life is not worth living.
Tyson Gaylord [00:07:20]:
Right. Right.
Ravi Iyer [00:07:20]:
Right. That, I think, who said that?
Tyson Gaylord [00:07:25]:
It's slipping my mind at the moment.
Ravi Iyer [00:07:27]:
Yeah. There there was a philosopher who said it. Yeah. And, yeah, anyway, the unexamined life is not worth living. Yeah.
Tyson Gaylord [00:07:36]:
Was the external talk was that, like, school, your your your neighborhood, your parents, your friends?
Ravi Iyer [00:07:43]:
India is a very competitive society.
Tyson Gaylord [00:07:45]:
Mhmm.
Ravi Iyer [00:07:46]:
You got you got one fourth of the world's population compressed into a country the size of Texas and, you know, Texas, Arkansas, and California all combined. You know?
Tyson Gaylord [00:08:11]:
Yeah. Not very much.
Ravi Iyer [00:08:13]:
The the so you have you have one fourth of the whole the world population is 8,800,000,000.
Tyson Gaylord [00:08:20]:
Mhmm. So
Ravi Iyer [00:08:21]:
that's 2,200,000,000 people compressed into a size of a country that big.
Tyson Gaylord [00:08:27]:
Right.
Ravi Iyer [00:08:30]:
Put it in perspective, the entire United States has only 350,000,000
Tyson Gaylord [00:08:35]:
Mhmm.
Ravi Iyer [00:08:35]:
Or 360,000,000. So, you know, there is absolutely no comprehension or nobody in The US can comprehend the size and the scale of competition that exists in India.
Tyson Gaylord [00:08:48]:
Mhmm.
Ravi Iyer [00:08:51]:
Then, so so the pressure is multiple. The pressure comes from family. It comes from peers. It comes from general society. It comes from, a cultural ethos that, values comparison and, and a very, very gossipy kind of, it's quite it's quite toxic.
Tyson Gaylord [00:09:22]:
Oh, interesting. I from being an American and knowing of, you know, Indian people and whatnot, I know what you're saying. I know there's a lot of competition to to be engineers and doctors and and and things like that, and I I've seen it externally and stuff so I can I can understand what you're kinda trying to get after?
Ravi Iyer [00:09:39]:
Yeah. And you give an example. When I got into medical school, there were in my state, there were only nine medical schools in my state. Alright? So you you had a common entrance exam for the nine medical schools. Each medical school had a class size of about a hundred. Right? So so in any given year, only 900 students are being admitted.
Tyson Gaylord [00:10:04]:
Wow. That's low.
Ravi Iyer [00:10:05]:
Right. Alright. So 900 students. Then out of those 900 students, they're about 55% are men and 45% are women.
Tyson Gaylord [00:10:18]:
Mhmm.
Ravi Iyer [00:10:19]:
So I'm only competing for about 475 486 out of alright? Now out of those 480 seats, there is almost, I would say, 200 of them are affirmative action reserved for, historically oppressed minorities
Tyson Gaylord [00:10:43]:
Okay.
Ravi Iyer [00:10:43]:
Who did not have economic advantages.
Tyson Gaylord [00:10:46]:
Okay.
Ravi Iyer [00:10:47]:
I was not an oppressed minority, so I'm competing only for about 220 seats.
Tyson Gaylord [00:10:53]:
Wow.
Ravi Iyer [00:10:55]:
On the year that I applied, there were 50,000 male candidates applying for 220 seats.
Tyson Gaylord [00:11:02]:
Oh my gosh. Just you better off making the NFL.
Ravi Iyer [00:11:05]:
Yeah. So the difference between the first person who got admitted and the last person who got admitted was one question got wrong. Wow. There is no there is no scope for failure.
Tyson Gaylord [00:11:21]:
Right. No room for error at all.
Ravi Iyer [00:11:23]:
No. There is. So if you understand that, then you understand the kind of pressure that you are. It's a pressure cooker. It's very, very tight.
Tyson Gaylord [00:11:32]:
Mhmm. Now from what I observe, is it seems like people that grew up in that type of situation, whether it's poverty or whether it's something like your it seems like there's some advantage there. Would you agree or disagree, or how would you kinda think about that?
Ravi Iyer [00:11:49]:
There's always advantage to pressure. Mhmm. You don't make diamonds out of without pressure.
Tyson Gaylord [00:11:56]:
Right.
Ravi Iyer [00:11:57]:
But but you have to understand for every diamond that is made out of coal, there is a billion tons of coal that just gets crushed also.
Tyson Gaylord [00:12:08]:
Right.
Ravi Iyer [00:12:08]:
That never makes it to the diamond. Mhmm.
Tyson Gaylord [00:12:11]:
That's a good analogy.
Ravi Iyer [00:12:12]:
So you you need to remember that, yes, of course, you'll get a diamond by by putting pressure. But you'll also get a lot of coal dust.
Tyson Gaylord [00:12:24]:
But then it's up to, you know, those that make it out. Right? I think that's I think there may be something good there. Right?
Ravi Iyer [00:12:33]:
Well, it's all it is good. I I guess I guess it's all, you know, in in Darwin's survival of the fittest, it
Tyson Gaylord [00:12:42]:
is
Ravi Iyer [00:12:43]:
the survivor that feels good about surviving.
Tyson Gaylord [00:12:46]:
Right. Yeah. Survivorship bias. Right? Yeah.
Ravi Iyer [00:12:48]:
The the the dinosaur is not around to complain.
Tyson Gaylord [00:12:51]:
Yeah. Or you don't hear from the people back in your village or your town or whatever that didn't make it. Right? Exactly. Four hundred ninety eight thousand people that didn't make it into medical school that year. You don't hear about them at all.
Ravi Iyer [00:13:02]:
Right? Exactly. You don't you don't get to hear about them.
Tyson Gaylord [00:13:04]:
But there's gotta be a mental toughness, a fortitude that's forged there.
Ravi Iyer [00:13:09]:
Absolutely. What happens is you select for that those people. Mhmm. So so I got selected out of that. My so so if I were to look at myself very objectively Mhmm. Yes. I I was under that pressure. And and that pressure hold the fortitude.
Ravi Iyer [00:13:28]:
Mhmm. It it but I was also born with the genetic resilience and toughness to not break, and the pressure made me better. And then once I started learning how to get better, it became better and better and better. And now, like, I I'm at the top of my game. So it's easy for me to look down and see. Say, but but the process also, created a huge repertoire of compassion in me. Because I can see, I let me put it this way. I don't have any regrets about the pressure in my life.
Ravi Iyer [00:14:09]:
Mhmm. I can see the value it brought into my life. Mhmm. I can see the gifts it has given me. And so now in this stage of my life, I'm more of, like, saying that, you know, I really don't want to waste those gifts that all that pressure created. Mhmm. I gotta give it back to the society. I had to give it back to the community.
Ravi Iyer [00:14:34]:
I had to I had to make an impact. I have to I have to somehow make a difference before I dissolve back into the elements of the universe. Mhmm. You know, so to speak. So so I am I am driven by that ethos to to to put it nicely. Mhmm. And there's an enormous amount of insight and compassion that that that experience has created. So when I come before an individual or a group of people, I'm able to see where they are in their struggle because I've been in that place myself.
Ravi Iyer [00:15:17]:
And while I have compassion, I am not, you know, my my compassion is a coach's compassion. Mhmm. It's, it's a it's a compassion that that seeks to empower people rather than say that rather than protect them and keep them, infantile.
Tyson Gaylord [00:15:38]:
Right. Right. Or that perpetuating that victim mentality or something like that.
Ravi Iyer [00:15:41]:
Yeah. There is no victim mentality. There's no need for a victim mentality.
Tyson Gaylord [00:15:45]:
No. I agree.
Ravi Iyer [00:15:46]:
Once you need once you realize let this is what I say. For every one of us who was born on this planet, before you were even conceived, 500,000,000 spermatozoa lost the race that you won. Mhmm. That's the first one. The second thing is once you you were conceived, once your that egg in your mother's womb was fertilized, the precise genetic rearrangement of the chromosomes of your dad and your mom that made you will never again be replicated in the history of this universe. It never existed before, and it never again will exist. So knowing these two facts, the fact that you are one out of 500,000,000, you wanna raise one out of 500,000,000. And that you will never again there will never again be a you in the history of this universe.
Tyson Gaylord [00:16:56]:
Mhmm.
Ravi Iyer [00:16:58]:
Why would you think that you can't accomplish it?
Tyson Gaylord [00:17:02]:
That is beautifully put. However, people do feel that way. Right?
Ravi Iyer [00:17:08]:
They do because they are they there is a curtain, an illusion of, inability that falls before their eyes and prevents them from seeing what they are capable of.
Tyson Gaylord [00:17:21]:
Is that not living that examined life?
Ravi Iyer [00:17:24]:
Partly.
Tyson Gaylord [00:17:25]:
Yeah. What else?
Ravi Iyer [00:17:28]:
People live a life as if they have, I call it the not enough life.
Tyson Gaylord [00:17:36]:
Mhmm.
Ravi Iyer [00:17:37]:
So people live a life where they believe that the things that they can that are necessary to sustain them, to nourish them, to validate them, to grow and empower them is in perpetual short supply. They believe that the things that are important for them are limited in availability and are limited in lifespan. So if they don't grab it right now, it'll disappear. Somebody else will get it, Somebody else will take it away, or it will decay and be disappear, and it will no longer be available. They live a life as if their opportunities have a time limit. And the reason for that is because they think that the things that they that the resources that they need are limited by time and space. They don't see themselves as creators of the resource. They see themselves as consumers of resources.
Ravi Iyer [00:18:45]:
Mhmm. So they see as if they are sitting at the restaurant table of life, and they have no power, they have to passively wait for the waiter to present the meal before them, and they can only their only option is consuming the meal that is placed before them. They cannot command either the appearance of the meal or they cannot decide when or what will appear when it will appear and how long it will be there on the table before them. Mhmm. So they live life as consumers. They don't live life as creators. Mhmm. And because they live life as consumers, they live a perpetually anxious life.
Ravi Iyer [00:19:35]:
They're looking always for two things. One, they try to figure out what is likely to come their way in the next five minutes.
Tyson Gaylord [00:19:42]:
Mhmm.
Ravi Iyer [00:19:43]:
They wanna predict what is gonna happen. Alright? Because if they can't predict, see, the tiger that cannot predict where the deer is going to appear is gonna go hungry. Mhmm. The deer that cannot predict where the tiger is going to appear is gonna get eaten. So so this need to predict the unpredictable of life is perpetual. It is exists in all animals, including us. Mhmm. And this is because we don't see life as under our command.
Ravi Iyer [00:20:19]:
We see ourself at life's command. Mhmm. What I found is both are true. Mhmm. We do have we are to some extent at life's command, but we also command life. To the extent that we live an unexamined life, we are at life's command. Mhmm. To the extent that we live an examined life, we command how life presents to us.
Ravi Iyer [00:20:56]:
In those days of darkness when under I was under extreme pressure, I discovered how I could command the way life presents to me. And I did that by becoming a master at the conversations that happened in my life, whether it was external conversations or internal conversations. I started commanding those conversations. Once I started commanding them, I could determine the context and create my life the way I wanted it.
Tyson Gaylord [00:21:31]:
That's beautiful.
Ravi Iyer [00:21:34]:
That is exactly what I teach people. Mhmm. You have the ability to be the creator or the consumer. You decide what you want to do. At any given moment, you can become the creator and you can do that. You can flip the switch like a you can flip it like a dime. Like that, you can go from being consumer to creator. It's a shift.
Tyson Gaylord [00:21:59]:
What are some strategies, techniques?
Ravi Iyer [00:22:07]:
Right now, Tyson, you are sitting in a chair. Right?
Tyson Gaylord [00:22:11]:
No. I'm standing.
Ravi Iyer [00:22:12]:
You're standing? Okay. You're standing. Do you feel the floor under your feet?
Tyson Gaylord [00:22:18]:
Absolutely.
Ravi Iyer [00:22:18]:
Okay. So I want you to focus just on on the floor of your feet. Just the contact of your feet on the floor. K. I want I want you to be aware of nothing except the contact of the feet on the floor. Your entire being focused on the way your feet mold itself to the floor. Mhmm. From the tip of your toe, your big toe, your second, third, fourth, and little toe, then to the ball of your feet, the arch, the outer edge of your foot, the heel, and now your whole foot.
Ravi Iyer [00:23:00]:
First, your right foot like that, and then your left foot like that. Now while you were knowing the contact of your feet, did the idea Tyson Jaylord where was that?
Tyson Gaylord [00:23:18]:
That's gone. I'm just thinking about my feet.
Ravi Iyer [00:23:20]:
Exactly. So you do not exist when you observe life. Mhmm. You exist as a conversation that happens when you stop observing life. The contact with of your feet with the floor is just you observing the sensory impact of life on your feet. Like that, you can observe the sensory impact of everything. The images that hit your retina, the smell that drifts up your nose, the molecules that hit your tongue as ice cream that give you taste. People don't observe.
Ravi Iyer [00:24:04]:
They are living inside their stories that constantly spin. Mhmm. And because of that, they don't eat the meal, they eat the menu of life. The stories that we have, the idea of Tyson Gaylord, the desires of Tyson Gaylord, the anticipation and plans of Tyson Gaylord, the anxieties and worries and and hopes and dreams of Tyson Gaylord are the menu of Tyson Gaylord. The meal of Tyson Gaylord is the impact of the world around him on his five senses. When you are when you are aware of the meal and we are aware of the meal. For example, when we are embraced by a lover in a kiss, we are aware of the meal at that time. Mhmm.
Ravi Iyer [00:25:02]:
The menu disappears. And we hold on to those moments as the highlights of our life. Because that's the only time you actually ate the meal. Mhmm. So that's the strategy. Start cultivating the ability to eat the meal instead of the menu.
Tyson Gaylord [00:25:25]:
Yeah. That's that's really good. I like the way you frame that. And I guess it's a form of meditation in a way or something along those lines.
Ravi Iyer [00:25:32]:
It is. All meditation is observation.
Tyson Gaylord [00:25:35]:
Right. Right.
Ravi Iyer [00:25:36]:
It is conscious observation. When you start doing it all the time, then it becomes a natural habit, and then it becomes a way of being. And then you can do you can walk through life doing it all the time.
Tyson Gaylord [00:25:48]:
Yeah. When I learned that, I noticed I think the easiest thing to to to give an example is I'll be on my phone. And, you know, I I got my phone. I'm not I'm not a big phone person. So but I'll get my phone, you know, I wanna email check me, email, or text me. And next thing you know, I'm scrolling through Instagram or something. And then I and I'm like, wait. What am I doing here? And I I and I stopped.
Tyson Gaylord [00:26:09]:
But until I started practicing that, like you're saying, practicing that that meditation, that mindfulness, that examined life, then that would have maybe consumed me for longer before until I got tired of it or something or something else called to my attention. But now when I'm doing it, I'm like, wait. I was done a long time ago here. I need to put this down and put this away. I'm not I'm not even doing anything.
Ravi Iyer [00:26:28]:
Exactly. What happens is when you start doing that and you become very good at it, you your life has a a there's a silence that pervades your being. And what, what you do is you you engage in an activity and then when you drop it, it drops. There's no resonance. There is no there is no chatter that goes on for a while in your head. So you move through life with enormous clarity because there is no no noise in your head.
Tyson Gaylord [00:27:04]:
One thing I'm curious about what we're talking about here is is this shift from what it sounds like from from scarcity to abundance. How do we how do we start to make that shift? Is is this what we're talking about here about the mindfulness, the examine life? Is that how you're making that shift from scarcity to abundance?
Ravi Iyer [00:27:20]:
So once you become aware that you are the source of everything in your life, Then suddenly, you become resourceful. Mhmm. And you don't need to you see, people talk about, oh, there's an abundance mindset and a care scarcity mindset. They are still working as if those things are external states to be achieved. No. They are not. It is actually you recognition that everything comes out of you, and therefore, you have an infinite time line to create. See, there is no rush then.
Tyson Gaylord [00:27:59]:
Mhmm.
Ravi Iyer [00:28:00]:
You know, if you want to create wealth, you create wealth. If you don't create wealth, you have just decided that you're not going to create wealth today. That doesn't mean you can't create wealth tomorrow. So you're not sitting there and saying, oh my god. I have not done it. I have not done it. I have not done it. You you'll do it.
Ravi Iyer [00:28:17]:
You when you get around to it, you'll do it. So there is there is there is an enormous lightness of being when you when you live life like that. You live life supremely confident in your ability to create at will whenever you get around to doing it, and you are not uncomfortable not doing it at any given time either. You're comfortable just being the way you are, and then when you want to do it, you just go do it, and then you come back. So that is the abundance mindset. The abundance mindset is not a mindset where you are sitting there wanting to constantly rush and create abundance. An abundance mindset is a fullness mindset. You are full of it, and therefore, you have no need to rush and do anything other than what is right there in front of you, and you're content.
Ravi Iyer [00:29:08]:
Mhmm. That is the abundance mindset.
Tyson Gaylord [00:29:12]:
I noticed that when I made that shift from thinking about things, as maybe, some people would use in terms of a infinite game versus a finite game or longer time horizons. Like, I I felt less stressed about I didn't accomplish x today. I didn't do the things I was supposed to do today versus, you know what? I have a plan. I had a thing. Things didn't happen today. They were that's okay. I'm still on the trajectory towards what I'm working towards.
Ravi Iyer [00:29:39]:
Exactly. So Simon Sinek brought out this concept of finite and infinite games.
Tyson Gaylord [00:29:45]:
Right.
Ravi Iyer [00:29:45]:
And and it is a it is a very nice allegory to the to what I'm trying to say. And we are all saying the same thing in different words in in to to a to a degree. The the thing is once you get to playing an infinite game, you are not concerned with the ups and downs of the moment.
Tyson Gaylord [00:30:09]:
Mhmm.
Ravi Iyer [00:30:10]:
Let let let me give you an example for what's happening to me right now. So, about a year ago, I decided that I'm actually going to start diversifying my repertoire or skills beyond the see, I have been a physician for forty two years. So forty two years, people think a physician just treats people. No. I a physician basically empowers people to live the best life that they possibly can. Mhmm. And he does it. A really good physician does it physically, biologically, emotionally, and mentally, and materially also.
Ravi Iyer [00:30:53]:
So I do all of it. When when the problem is a physical or a biological problem, I solve that. But when it's an emotional or mental problem, I solve that too. And when it's a material problem, I solve that too. So I have been doing that for forty two years, and I decided during the pandemic that I was running out of time to do it one on one. I needed to do it one to many. So I decided to expand my repertoire into public speaking. So then when I went into public speaking, everyone said, oh, you know, I'm not booking gigs and I'm not booking stages.
Ravi Iyer [00:31:27]:
I said, I'm not interested in booking gigs or stages. I it'll come when it comes. I'm more interested in making a mark where I am. So I said, I'm gonna first go and give my test talk, and the first talk I gave was on the power of intentional focus. Mhmm. And when I gave that talk, it started going viral. I suddenly realized something. I said that we live in an economy where we have monetized human attention.
Tyson Gaylord [00:31:58]:
Right.
Ravi Iyer [00:31:58]:
And created an attention economy. So I said, hey. That's a great idea for a second talk. And I gave a second TEDx talk this week in, University of Missouri, Kansas City, to the medical school student, the TEDx UMKC. And it was it it it rocked the auditorium. It was really good. So that's gonna come out in another two, three, four weeks. It'll come out, and that would be that's my second thought.
Ravi Iyer [00:32:26]:
Talk. And that talk was about the power of human connection.
Tyson Gaylord [00:32:30]:
Mhmm.
Ravi Iyer [00:32:31]:
Right? And then in the process, because my first TED talk went viral, I suddenly realized why it went viral. I it went viral because I engaged the community in the talk. And so the my third TED talk, which I'm gonna give in March 14 at TEDx, Hanley Boulevard Women, is called the power of power of community. Mhmm. You know, it's all so I have three talks back to back in six months that I three TEDx talks. Most people give one and one and done. I've done three now. I'll I'll I'll by March 14, I would have done three back to back.
Ravi Iyer [00:33:16]:
And after that but they all have a common theme. Now that theme essentially encompasses the entire talking I do to organizations about how to be a high performance organization.
Tyson Gaylord [00:33:34]:
Mhmm.
Ravi Iyer [00:33:34]:
Focus, connection, community. These are the three things that cause any person to to win at any level at any stage.
Tyson Gaylord [00:33:45]:
And those three things are very much missing from society right now.
Ravi Iyer [00:33:50]:
People get pieces of it. They don't put all three together. Right.
Tyson Gaylord [00:33:54]:
When you
Ravi Iyer [00:33:54]:
put all three together, you are unconquerable.
Tyson Gaylord [00:33:57]:
Right. Yeah.
Ravi Iyer [00:33:58]:
Because if you have focus Mhmm. And you have connection, you're able to connect with people, and you're able to engage communal groups of people into your idea or into your mission. There's nothing that will stop you.
Tyson Gaylord [00:34:13]:
Absolutely. Yeah.
Ravi Iyer [00:34:15]:
So these three things are essential for for success. Whether it is whether it is Nike or Google or Microsoft, it all comes on to just the acquisition of these three skills and and integrating these three skills into your team in an integral manner that is consistent with the DNA of the company and its e thoughts and mission. That's it.
Tyson Gaylord [00:34:40]:
Mhmm. Could you for each one of those three, could you give us the listeners and and all of us a quick one thing we can do for each of those to start that journey?
Ravi Iyer [00:34:50]:
The first thing you do for for focus is pay attention to what's happening right in front of you instead of your conversation about what's happening in front of you.
Tyson Gaylord [00:35:02]:
In the head?
Ravi Iyer [00:35:03]:
Yes.
Tyson Gaylord [00:35:03]:
Okay.
Ravi Iyer [00:35:04]:
Right now, most people when they're listening, they're not listening to listen. They're listening to reply.
Tyson Gaylord [00:35:10]:
Mhmm.
Ravi Iyer [00:35:14]:
Really develop the ability just listen without any agenda beyond listening. It you'll find it super, super hard.
Tyson Gaylord [00:35:25]:
It can be. But like like all things, once you practice it
Ravi Iyer [00:35:29]:
Of course.
Tyson Gaylord [00:35:30]:
You're you're you're great.
Ravi Iyer [00:35:31]:
Yeah. Once you practice, it becomes natural. And that's all it is. That's all that separates Michael Jordan from everyone else. Right? You practice.
Tyson Gaylord [00:35:39]:
Hidden the card. Yeah.
Ravi Iyer [00:35:41]:
Yeah. It's basically that. A a million million jump shots. You know? That's what it but but but that is the purpose of life. Why what what else are you gonna do in life except become better at what you do? You know? Otherwise, you can might as well be a potato. You know? So, so that's one. Focus. When you develop this ability to focus, connection becomes automatic.
Ravi Iyer [00:36:08]:
See, all so so here's the thing. People talk about communication. Communication begins with connection, and connection begins with focus. When there is focus, then automatically you begin to connect. And when you connect, you connect only by becoming open yourself. You open yourself as vulnerable and when you are vulnerable, the other person begins to open up also because you are sending out a silent message across that you trust that person enough to become vulnerable and open. And then when two people are connected vulnerably, they have communion. When there's communion, communication happens.
Ravi Iyer [00:37:03]:
And when communication happens, a community is created. A community is not a bunch of bodies occupying the same space. Community is a bunch of hearts speaking the same speech. So when you have imagine going into a company where employees or teams are connected in focus with each other, there is communion, and they are commune they're they're united in community. You think that that group is going to be ever fractured by a by a dissension? Are they ever going to lose sight of what they are worshiping for?
Tyson Gaylord [00:37:50]:
No. Never.
Ravi Iyer [00:37:52]:
That's exactly what I mean.
Tyson Gaylord [00:37:54]:
Yeah.
Ravi Iyer [00:37:55]:
A a company would give their next quarter earnings to get that for one day. Mhmm. And that's what I show people. This is what you this is how you do it. You do it, and then you do it like the way I do my marriage. I choose my wife every minute. I choose my wife when she's yelling at me.
Tyson Gaylord [00:38:16]:
That's beautiful.
Ravi Iyer [00:38:17]:
So that's how you do the focus. You do it when the going gets tough. When there is when there are people challenging your focus is when that is the point when you do focus. That is the point when you do connection. When the other person is challenging you on your connection, that is when you actually connect. You don't connect when it's easy and convenient. You connect when it's hard and difficult.
Tyson Gaylord [00:38:43]:
Yes. We're not pressure.
Ravi Iyer [00:38:44]:
Yeah. So so many
Tyson Gaylord [00:38:46]:
So many arguments and so many disagreements and so many misunderstandings is because you're not listening to somebody.
Ravi Iyer [00:38:52]:
Yeah. I have an exercise, people. I do to demonstrate connection and how difficult it is to to actually have a fight when you're connected. Mhmm. I I make two people shake hands, and then I say, okay. Don't let go. Just keep holding each other's hands. Now try to have a fight with each other holding hands.
Tyson Gaylord [00:39:11]:
That'd be weird.
Ravi Iyer [00:39:13]:
It's they can't. Mhmm. I've done this exercise so many times. I said, they have to let go to argue. You know, just having an argument, a disagreement, it's impass it's very, very hard to hold hands and have an argument.
Tyson Gaylord [00:39:35]:
I'll have to grab my wife's hand next time she yells at me.
Ravi Iyer [00:39:39]:
She will shake it away. You just know Yeah.
Tyson Gaylord [00:39:41]:
I'm sure she will.
Ravi Iyer [00:39:42]:
I'm telling you. I've done that with my wife. She'll say, Calvary, don't touch me. That's what she'll do.
Tyson Gaylord [00:39:48]:
We're still arguing. Hold on.
Ravi Iyer [00:39:49]:
Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. Don't touch me. The reason they don't want to be touched is they don't want the connection.
Tyson Gaylord [00:39:56]:
Mhmm. It is because you're not being heard. You're miss being misunderstood. Right?
Ravi Iyer [00:40:01]:
No. Because they don't want the connection. Because if they get the connection, they can't have that argument. Mhmm. They can't say what they want to say with that with that force and emphasis and vehemence. So they have to disconnect to do it. And that is that is the essence.
Tyson Gaylord [00:40:22]:
That's beautiful. What a simple concept. But when you start to think about it, it like you're saying, it starts when you're focused on somebody and you're giving them your attention and you're actually listening, then you don't necessarily have that disagreement. You don't have that misunderstanding. I Then you can connect, and then you can build a community behind a purpose because everybody's listening to what's happening and following along.
Ravi Iyer [00:40:42]:
I do that in my clinic all the time. See, people don't come to a doctor's office with things going right in their life. They they come because there's a breakdown. Alright? So one of the things you are as a doc is that you gotta you gotta be able to connect within that fifteen minute window and get that person to open up. So the first thing I do is I walk in and I say, hello, mister so and so. You know, how may I help you? And then as they're talking, I'll very casually reach over, lift their hand, and hold their pulse as if I'm doing the I I'm not doing the pulse at all. I don't need to feel their pulse. Alright? But I'm holding it as if I'm doing the pulse.
Ravi Iyer [00:41:25]:
What I'm doing is connecting. And when I'm connecting, I can instantly see see just by holding their hand like that. They're automatically, you can see the resistance just melt away. They open up, and now I have an opening to actually contribute to them. Mhmm. I can tell them they'll listen to me or, you know, I'll offer an advice or or I will listen to them, and there is dialogue. Dialogue requires that opening, and you can't open unless you connect. And to do that, you gotta focus.
Tyson Gaylord [00:42:04]:
Right. Could we go back, to you're talking about the attention economy?
Ravi Iyer [00:42:09]:
Yeah.
Tyson Gaylord [00:42:10]:
Can we
Ravi Iyer [00:42:11]:
how do
Tyson Gaylord [00:42:12]:
you wanna define that? How do you wanna talk about that?
Ravi Iyer [00:42:14]:
So in today's world, and this is my second TED talk, it'll come out in about three weeks. It's called the power of connection, how connection breaks the trap of the attention economy. Alright. So the the today's world, we have created a digital media economy that has monetized human attention. And we it it has captured humanity at the core of their existence. Because and as a result, what we do is we engage with these platforms, whether it is Facebook or TikTok or Twitter or YouTube. It doesn't matter. You you name it.
Ravi Iyer [00:43:03]:
Or even the TV, print and print and, visual media that is out there. All of that demands attention. Even this podcast you and I are doing, this podcast has value only if somebody stops doing what they are doing and listens to it.
Tyson Gaylord [00:43:25]:
Right.
Ravi Iyer [00:43:26]:
Otherwise, a tree that falls in the forest unseen and unheard only becomes compost. Mhmm. Alright? So that's what I'm trying to say. Everything depends on the interaction of human attention, engaging human attention. The problem happens when people engage with the attention economy without having a sense of themselves as complete, whole, and integral separate from that engagement. What is happening right now is everyone is engaging the with the the digital platforms of our world and are seeking to get validated through it. Mhmm. So we are seeking to get our own sense of self only through the likes, clicks, and notifications that we get on what will be posted up there.
Ravi Iyer [00:44:22]:
And if nobody looks at it, somehow we are devalued.
Tyson Gaylord [00:44:27]:
Yeah.
Ravi Iyer [00:44:28]:
Alright? So that is what I'm trying to tell people that listen. In fact, in that talk, I say it is you who are the light on the stages, platforms, and digital worlds of your life, not the other way around. Without you on that platform as a content creator, the platform has no value. Mhmm. So don't don't ever ever think that the platform is giving just two days ago, three days ago, Kanye West put that stunt on Grammy red carpet. Right?
Tyson Gaylord [00:45:11]:
Oh, where
Ravi Iyer [00:45:11]:
his wife Went near nude on that. Mhmm. Alright? Now I don't know what was going on in his head, but I wanna know something. What was the value of that?
Tyson Gaylord [00:45:23]:
Attention. That's it.
Ravi Iyer [00:45:25]:
Exactly. So and what was that I mean, so the the the at first glance, the value is using the display of something that will grab everybody's attention. And you and and also the display has to be of such a caliber that it will trigger be very provocative in some way. Alright? And then there may have been layers of other hidden meanings of, of male, female domination, misogyny. I don't know. You can keep on analyzing it to kingdom come. But but the thing is that was the only value. And the only reason that Kanye West would do that would be that he had a need for that attention.
Tyson Gaylord [00:46:17]:
Right.
Ravi Iyer [00:46:19]:
Can you imagine somebody of the caliber of Kanye West wanting to need that attention?
Tyson Gaylord [00:46:28]:
There's something's gotta be wrong. There's gonna be a disconnect or something. Right? Something's lacking
Ravi Iyer [00:46:32]:
Just think about it. If if a man like Kanye West needs a detention, then what would happen to the 12 year old girl in high school? Mhmm. Do you understand? Now do you see how corrupt that, lack of self worth independent of the platform is?
Tyson Gaylord [00:46:55]:
Mhmm. Yeah. Absolutely.
Ravi Iyer [00:46:57]:
So that is what I'm trying to get across. That guys, listen. Look at how pernicious this lack of self worth is. It goes all the way to a person who's worth millions and millions of dollars. What what is the net worth of Kanye West?
Tyson Gaylord [00:47:18]:
I I you can see probably around a billion or so.
Ravi Iyer [00:47:20]:
Yeah. Yeah. So he's a billionaire. So, you know, Google will tell you, but he is a billionaire, and you and I are nowhere in that category. And that man still has a need to get attention that way. So forget about that man. So this is what I'm trying to say. It is pernicious across the board, everyone.
Ravi Iyer [00:47:42]:
So and this comes out of lack of focus. This comes out of lack of connection. This comes out of lack of community. You got to only a person who cannot focus, who's dependent on this external validation and conversation, who's dependent who who has no connection with people except the mental chatter of external validation, who has no community except the men the the community of likes and and, and clicks and thumbs up and and hearts. Mhmm. That is what I'm trying to focus connection community that restores creatorship, that moves you from being a consumer like Kanye West. That's all he is. He's a consumer.
Ravi Iyer [00:48:38]:
He's not a creator. For all his billions, for all his wonderful rap, for all his compositional skills, he is he's an extremely poor man.
Tyson Gaylord [00:48:51]:
Because he's still living that unexamined life and he's
Ravi Iyer [00:48:53]:
Unexamined life eating the menu of life rather than the meal.
Tyson Gaylord [00:48:58]:
Mhmm. Very interesting. Like you're saying, so I'm sure his some self worth, self identity, or something is tied up into that persona, the likes, the the comments, and tweets.
Ravi Iyer [00:49:12]:
Yeah. He has only that as a persona and self identity. That's what I'm saying.
Tyson Gaylord [00:49:17]:
Yeah. I want to know, how do you think about finding a purpose?
Ravi Iyer [00:49:25]:
Repeat that question.
Tyson Gaylord [00:49:26]:
How do you think about finding your purpose?
Ravi Iyer [00:49:33]:
I can answer how I found my purpose. What I Sure. I'm not sure about how I think about how other people should find their purpose. So every one of us has many talents, and every one of us is given one gift. And the purpose of life is to find out your gift. My gift is that I can walk into a room of us before one person or a group of people, and I can be a space where they experience clarity and freedom from fear automatically. Just by being there, they will experience that. That is my gift.
Ravi Iyer [00:50:23]:
My talent is my eloquence, my ability to write, my ability to speak, my ability to analyze and think of things with clarity, my memory, my various, scientific skills of training as a physician, as a scientist, my my knowledge in biology and other fields, all of that are my talents. And I bring all these talents to the service of this one gift that I have. And and the net outcome of that gift is empowerment. So diff so each person has to find what is that one gift that they give to people. And they just have to bring all their talents in the service of that gift. Whenever I have brought my talents at the service of my gift, I have always won. Whenever I have mistaken any of my talents as my gift, I have always lost.
Tyson Gaylord [00:51:29]:
That's a from a selfish point of view. Right? You're you're coming at it from self serving instead of Correct. Serving others. Yeah. Correct. Okay. In your in your TEDx talk, you talked about finding your inner, chain of focus. You said you you used breath.
Tyson Gaylord [00:51:45]:
What are some other things people can use to find their inner chain?
Ravi Iyer [00:51:49]:
Any activity that absorbs them can be used as a chain of focus. Mhmm. There are some people who end do painting. Some people do braiding. Some people do number counting or math. Some people pick up a violin and play a concerto. You know? There are different people who do different things. Some people start writing.
Ravi Iyer [00:52:19]:
Somebody goes and plays tennis, or basketball. There are any activity that absorbs you, that naturally every one of us has a natural propensity to get absorbed by one or other activity. Find out what naturally draws your attention and jump into it. That is your chain of focus.
Tyson Gaylord [00:52:46]:
So it's just that thing you're just getting lost in for hours and hours
Ravi Iyer [00:52:49]:
and hours. Exactly. And then use that to anchor yourself. And then use that to anchor yourself, and then find a way of being able to do that while you're engaged with your hands in the rest of the world.
Tyson Gaylord [00:53:04]:
And that's a nice when I think about personally, when I when I'm getting in that lost thing that I like to do, then it it re energizes you, and it and you you get a renewed sense of of focus and drive and determination, and you're able to go about your mission and your purpose.
Ravi Iyer [00:53:18]:
Yes.
Tyson Gaylord [00:53:21]:
You have amazing giveaway for us, the the Art of Viral Speaking. Can you talk a little bit about that?
Ravi Iyer [00:53:28]:
So when I started my first TED Talk Mhmm. I got my notification that I got accepted as a speaker on July first of twenty twenty four. And the talk was going to be October 5. So the minute I got my notification, I started writing about it. I started writing a blog. I posted it to my I have 5,000 patients. I would send out, you know, newsletter, one page articles about how I was preparing, what TED was, what is the purpose of that, how I'm designing my talk, how, you know, what are my anxieties, what are my mistake. I would post it twice a week to my patients, my 2,000 Facebook followers, my my 1,000 LinkedIn people, my alumni of my high school that I graduated fifty years ago in India.
Ravi Iyer [00:54:20]:
So by the time I actually gave my talk, I had written enough material to write a book Mhmm. To compile it all into a book. And I compiled it all into a book and, put it out on Amazon at the same time as the talk. But I did something else very interesting that brings the community to it. I included in my book the links to all the other speakers who shared the stage with me on TEDx. Oh. So I promoted their speeches also in my book. I promoted the restaurant.
Ravi Iyer [00:55:01]:
I had my breakfast, lunch, and dinner in Gary, Indiana. Their website went on the book. I I put in the website of the mayor, the the website of the Airbnb that I stayed in. Everyone went on the book. And then I gave all of them my book for free, and they all redistributed it to all their networks. It went viral. Then I took my book and and gave it to all the people in my network of people, my 5,000 patients. I gave them a free copy of the book and I gave told them that they are free to share the book along with my talk as they want.
Ravi Iyer [00:55:40]:
And they all shared it, and they shared it. It went a while. So that's the power of community, and that became my third TEDx talk. It's called the power of community on viruses, warthogs, and TEDx vitality. That's what I'm gonna talk on on March 14.
Tyson Gaylord [00:55:58]:
And we'll link all those TED talks for you guys in the show notes and whatnot. You also have, the Reaper's Dance. You wrote about the COVID nineteen pandemic. So I'll link to that as well.
Ravi Iyer [00:56:07]:
And there's a third book coming out in, another ten days. It'll come out on Valentine's Day. It's called, the squirrels in my brain.
Tyson Gaylord [00:56:21]:
Mhmm.
Ravi Iyer [00:56:21]:
It's it's squirrels in my brain, convert convert the superpowers of neurodiversity into neuro aligned super teams. I have, ADHD, and I I have mild Asperger's. So so this is about neurodiversity and how corporate America can use, the skills of neurodiverse people to really enhance the performance of their teams.
Tyson Gaylord [00:56:53]:
I agree. I think, I think there's a representation, misidea of these people. I think from all the people like that I know is they they have an extreme superpower, and their brain just focuses so highly on this. And if you can just ask them about it and tap into that, they have a wealth of knowledge and passion. And I think if you're dismissing these people, you're missing out on just a beautiful, beautiful thing.
Ravi Iyer [00:57:19]:
20% of your workforce is neurodiverse. Would you believe that? What? That's a huge population.
Tyson Gaylord [00:57:24]:
Right. I mean, something like, I think it's like a third of billionaires are are dyslexic.
Ravi Iyer [00:57:28]:
So Yeah.
Tyson Gaylord [00:57:29]:
There's power in these things. I I think we need to stop framing them or demonizing them as something that, you know, we should be such shunned or should be done away with. We should be embracing the power power that's there. It's something that we need to tap into.
Ravi Iyer [00:57:41]:
Yep. Absolutely.
Tyson Gaylord [00:57:43]:
So I'll I'll link to all those things for you guys, the TED Talks and everything, DocuX website, the Facebook, Twitters, YouTube channel, and then all the links in. Is there anything else you wanna mention for for the people out there?
Ravi Iyer [00:57:55]:
Yeah. What I'll do is I'll send you a talk about, slide, which with a QR code that your viewers can, can, download the book as a PDF file. It's valuable for anyone wanting to learn, how, powerful speaking is done. And I believe that everyone at some point in their life, is gonna need to speak to one or more people
Tyson Gaylord [00:58:27]:
Mhmm.
Ravi Iyer [00:58:28]:
And and try to persuade people, to be able to speak powerfully, impactfully in a way that changes the thought process of people around you is, is a incredibly incredibly, needed skill. It makes you human. So anything that can teach you or help you on the way to acquiring that skill better is useful. So that book will be available for free to anyone on who's watching the show. I'll make sure that I send you that coconut slide. And I'll also send you the PDF itself in case you have trouble posting that coconut slide.
Tyson Gaylord [00:59:10]:
Other than thank you very much. That is so generous to you. And like you're saying, I all of us are speakers. We're all talking to to our coworkers above us and below us, our family, our friends, our community. We all need to learn to speak better. You speak better, you write better, you communicate better.
Ravi Iyer [00:59:25]:
Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah.
Tyson Gaylord [00:59:27]:
And then finally, on the social community show, I like to do a weekly challenge. And it could be something we talked about here today or something completely different. And I'd like you to issue this challenge to listeners.
Ravi Iyer [00:59:39]:
Weekly challenge. I think if you can spend one day one day where you really do not engage with the digital media platform at all for one day. But instead, use the time that is freed up from that activity to spend time face to face, a long conversation with no agenda.
Tyson Gaylord [01:00:14]:
Mhmm.
Ravi Iyer [01:00:15]:
And the conversation should not be a gripe about anybody else. It should be about about real connection with each other's life. You pick the person in your life you wanna have a conversation with. And listen in a space of connected contribution where you contribute not your speech, but your attention. Contribute your attention as a gift to that other person. And find and at the end of that, that's the challenge, one day. And if you do that one day every week, I can promise you that within six months, you will be you will see a a 200 to 300 fold increase in your wealth, in your actual bank balance wealth. 300300% increase in your bank balance wealth in six months If you do that one day a week.
Tyson Gaylord [01:01:21]:
That's good. Not to mention, you'll probably be a very, very well respected and liked person in your community.
Ravi Iyer [01:01:27]:
I you just that's where the wealth comes from.
Tyson Gaylord [01:01:30]:
That exactly is exactly it right there. Yeah. Well, doctor, this has been amazing. I've got a ton of notes. Thank you so much for sharing all your information, your vast knowledge. It was very much a pleasure.
Ravi Iyer [01:01:43]:
Oh, it's been I love this conversation. I didn't when we started, I didn't know how it was gonna go, but I enjoyed it.
Tyson Gaylord [01:01:50]:
I didn't either. Yeah. I had a few points I wanted to talk about, and then I just go and see where things go. Thank you so much for your time.
Ravi Iyer [01:01:57]:
Thank you.
Tyson Gaylord [01:01:58]:
Wow. What an incredible conversation with doctor Iyer. I learned so much. I've got a ton of notes. I hope you guys do too. And like always here, you know, where there's no paywall, there's no premium content, there's no social media bundle, social media plus. We give all the great stuff right up front to you guys. And the only thing we ask is for you guys to share this if you've enjoyed it.
Tyson Gaylord [01:02:22]:
Share it with at least two other people. Build that community. Start that conversation. Listen. I think I got a great little tidbit for you guys that I learned, about listening. I'd like you guys to go out there and if you can have a conversation with somebody and you barely talk and what they take away from that is, that was such a great conversation. But in your head, you're like, I never said anything. That's when you know you're truly listening, and that's a great breakthrough.
Tyson Gaylord [01:02:51]:
And in the meantime, you can connect with us on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, YouTube, right over to your favorite podcast app We're at past episodes and links to everything we talked about here today. You can have her at socialchameleon.show. Until next time, keep learning, growing, and transforming the person you wanna become.
