By The Social Chameleon Show / September 27, 2018 Having A MentorBeing A Mentee A mentors hindsight becomes a mentees foresight. A professional athlete would never go without a coach, why would you? Getting a mentor isn't just about the progression of your career, it's about achieving a higher understanding and proficiency in all areas of your life. Becoming a mentor to those around you, not only reinforces your understanding, it builds up the next generation for a higher level of excellence. This and much more on this episode of The Social Chameleon Show. How Will Smith Mentored His Bother-In-Law Books & Links From The Episode Do they have a book you can study? Look around and see if the person you want to learn from has a book, ebook or audiobook. You can start with this as a beginner and start to build a base knowledge at a low cost and start applying what you've read. After that you can move on to the next level, maybe a direct line of communication with a highly specific question via email/DM or a seminar/speaking engagement or coaching session or mastermind group. Is There A Course or Class? Does your projected mentor have a course or class you can enroll in? Do they have a Youtube or website with information you can consume and learn from? Some of our favorites Masterclass.com Coursera.org 67steps.com 6 Minutes To Success Paradigm Shift Live Stream Seminar Streaming Club Magic In Your Mind Episode Transcription Expand Tyson: 00:05 Welcome to the social chameleon show. Where it's our goal to help you learn, grow and transform into the person you want to become. A mentor's hindsight becomes a mentees foresight and that's what we're talking about today. Mentors and mentees. Ransom: 00:23 Mentees. That word sounds kind of funny men tea. Tyson: 00:25 It is. It is. It is a funny word, but yeah, we want to talk about the, I guess the importance of finding and getting a, being a mentor and also the kind of symbiotic relationship of you being a mentee as well that for the development of you as a person, your life, your career, whatever it is you're looking to improve. Ransom: 00:54 Yeah, and I guess I just maybe go a little bit off subject, but I, whenever I think of mentors and mentees in that situation, I kind of think of like a little kid for some reason. Tyson: 01:04 Yeah, that's a prime example. Yeah. Ransom: 01:06 Yeah. Like the other day, like I was at the store and like, um, the, the couple in front of me, whatever. They had the little two year old daughter in the car and then like, no. So she was sitting down there, whatever, and then like the mom just started handing stuff to the dad and they put it on the cash register or whatever. And then like all of a sudden it was like the little two year old girls started doing the same thing. She's like, well here Daddy, like here, Daddy. And it's just like, I was like damn, like it's kinda crazy how there's like, like when the little kids are small how they, like emulate us, what they see around them. Tyson: 01:42 Yeah. And that's, that's how a lot of times how we pick up the habits and behaviors and stuff. Just like, um, you know, I see that in Tytus. It's like some things like he mimics me or he'll see the things I see. Like the other day I'm there doing some gymnastics thing or whatever. After school care. One of the older kids is teaching them gymnastics and Tytus, trying to do a cartwheel and he's telling me, he's like, You know dad I was trying to do a cartwheel, but you know, my ego wouldn't let me. Ransom: 02:09 What is this little kid talking about the ego Tyson: 02:12 and was like, listen, my ego wouldn't let me do it and I had to tell my ego, hey listen, we're going to get this done and we're gonna learn this. And Ransom: 02:22 I mean, that's Kinda cool though. I think that's cool. It's like a, a lesson, like he'll take within and be that much smarter. But yeah, it's amazing. Like how, you know, either the people we look up to or like the people around us and how we Kinda like just emulate what they're doing. What kind of affects us in so many ways. It could have a positive effect, could have a negative effect. Hopefully. The idea is that it has a positive effect on it, but yeah. Tyson: 02:53 Yeah. Just like the, you know, the old adage that Cliche, you know, you're the average of the five you spend the most time with. It's like everyone's like, oh, that's just a cliche. And it's like, you know, it's a cliche because there's truth to it. And you gotta you gotta recognize that, you know, I'm like Tytus, he spends, you know, I'm one of the five D, which is most timely. So what is he going to do? What does he see me do? He, he watches the show, he, he listens to me talk with other people and clients and he listens to the books in the car and the podcast in the car with me. So you know, that's exactly what he's gonna be. He's going to be a reflection of what I'm into. Ransom: 03:30 Yeah, that's good. But I mean like part of the cliche though, it was kinda like is it something like look at the five people that you hang around the most or something like that and that's what your future is going to be like. I mean, I don't know how to go about it, but Tyson: 03:44 is there several versions like, um, I've heard someone of like, um, if you show me your friends, I'll tell you who you are and different things. Ransom: 03:53 Similar thing like that, you know, just kind of bounces off the whole emulation thing. Uh, I think it also has a lot to do with standards in life, like around you. Like if they don't hold you to a higher standard, whatever the case might be, then you just kind of stay at that lower standard and you're not going to be wrong for some people. That's okay. That's all right. But then you kinda gotta know what you want in life and figure that out. It takes a little bit of time. Again, I talked to a lot. Speaker 3: 04:22 The people just start now, like not even in the first quarter. Like Ransom: 04:26 they think they know who they are. Speaker 3: 04:27 You guys got some time to kind of, Ransom: 04:30 you developed your skills and figure out what you want me to do and like, I don't know. Tyson: 04:34 Yes. Like what Tony Robinson's says, you get what you tolerate, you know, and if, if you tolerate these people, you know, I'm allowing you to be a fool or allowing you to do these different things or you know, they're not holding you to a standard and you're tolerating that. Like, you know, you're asking for help or ask for accountability and nobody's holding you to that. You know, that's what you're, that's what you get. Ransom: 04:53 Yes. Which you get. I mean, there's just kind of comes into it sometimes it's like luck of the draw, right? Like tituss case, like, you know, he's lucky that he has somebody like even that he can look up to this might be or you know, for me personally, like some of the mentors I had was like one of my teachers from high school. Like, I mean I was just fortunate enough that he was my teacher. Uh, he was an airborne ranger, stuff like that and Kinda, I kinda looked up to him as a kid and you know, we did afterschool stuff because we had a lot of competition. So not only what I see them during the class, classroom time, but I'd see him after school and sometimes twice on weekends because we have like a Saturday Sunday event and know what I mean. Just kind of looked up to him and that many things. Ransom: 05:42 And um, I guess taking on Mentorship, one of the things that he kind of instilled in me when I was young as a ranger creed of the good piece of literature, I got some kind of looked it up on the internet. I kind of forgot about, but what is he in listening, you don't know the range of creatives and just going to read off a made their first and last paragraph. That's Kinda like my favorite, but recognized that I volunteered as a ranger fully knowing the hazards of my chosen profession. I will always endeavor to uphold the prestige honor and highest speed of core of the rangers. Like I mean like if you just listened to that, that's right there. It's just like it just has all this power and it talking about like the each and honor and speed a core and then even the last part of it is like readily will I display the intestinal fortitude required to fight onto the ranger objective and compete the mission. Like the would be the lone survivor. Like that's kinda crazy to it or like, oh, he's always like look back at them and just kind of amazed that like, who wrote this man is like, that's like something to live by. Tyson: 06:49 Thank you for your service. The ones that you know in the military, whether it rains or not. Ransom: 06:55 Appreciate that. Oh yeah, definitely. Definitely. But you know what I mean, like that's the kind of stuff when I was in high school, those are the kinds of people I looked up to and kind of hung around and tried to emulate and try to absorb as much knowledge and information that I could have, you know, at, at, at, you know. Tyson: 07:15 And that's what they say to. Right. I'm good. What is it, the thirds of the different levels of different types of things that they say, you know, um, you know, have somebody that, you know, you want to be hanging around people that are on the same level as you and then hang around people on the below level. Right? And then your, your exposure, you're, you're helping the people below you, you guys and the same thing or working through that stuff and then the guys above you kind of showing you the way. Right? Ransom: 07:40 Yeah. And that's, I mean, for whatever reason, I, I kinda think that that helps you. I mean, even as a, like when I would tutor the other people in my class, like that kind of helped me learn a little bit. You know what I mean? So like I know this information a little bit, let me help you teach you. Right. And then from there, once you start to teach them then you kind of understand a little bit more because now they have questions about the material that I never really had and it's like, no, I have to answer their question and it's like, I, you think about it, you're like, okay, okay, let me try to answer your question. And then that helps you understand the knowledge. Like even better, Tyson: 08:19 I want to say something like, um, I think it's like 70 percent or some of that retention when you teach it versus when you just hear it or learn it or do it, you have a higher rate of retention. Ransom: 08:30 Well, I mean our retention levels a little bit higher as far as like some people and also depends on the kind of person you are. Like if you're a kinetic learner, like me, like you need a good hands on. You know, I've, I've met this, I mean it's very rare, but I have met a few individuals where they actually learned by reading was kind of sit there and draw pictures, like try to get them involved and then they're like, no, no, no, no. I'm like, you got stop. Like where's the book bag? I just, I just need to read was, it was like, okay. I was like, you own the rights of notes then, and you can read my notes. She's like, yeah, well why don't we do that? And I was like, Hey, you know what I mean, like, hey, that's somebody who knows themselves. Like yeah, that's kind of good stuff. Speaker 4: 09:15 I wish I would've learned that when I was in school because I was just, the hardest part was like, I've got a bucket on it, read this man. I don't want to read this. Like, you know, I, I never, I never really knew of audio books or um, you know, that's what I used to like isolate classes that are lecture based because I thought it was like, this is, I ain't going to read this. So that you're talking through it like let's do that because I'm just not gonna read it and I never even, I never knew or connected the dots when I was, you know, I was in school but that's how I learned. But yeah, that's how I learned. That's how I consume things now as my favorite form. If I want to read a book and it's on an audible, I just, I'm not going to read it, you know? Ransom: 09:49 Yeah. I guess that kind of goes to like, I guess maybe the different levels of mentorship. I know we got into this kind of it yesterday. For me, I'm more of a hands on Connecticut kind of person, so I like that more face to face, you know what I mean? Like if I try to be around them more often so that I can see them. But you brought up some interesting points to yesterday as like you don't necessarily need to be right next to the person to both of them, right? Speaker 4: 10:17 Yeah. And I know I'm not to detract from that to me, I think, you know, at the highest level if you're, if your hand on hand in hand with somebody, I think that's the best. But there are so many, so many other ways to, to get mentorship. You know, I think a lot of people get trapped in this like official relationship of mentor, mentee, you know, we're, we're. Nowadays you don't, especially nowadays, you really don't have to have that official event. Like I was joking with you before we got on, you know, uh, I just finished up my mentorship with Samuel l Jackson, Speaker 4: 10:50 that video series I was watching. It's over Samuel and Samuel went through 21 modules and I learned a lot from him, you know, and, and to me, you know, yeah. Do I not, I can't, I could ask questions to the group or to him and maybe he'll respond or somebody from the group or respond or whatever. Yeah. And I tweeted at him, you know, and stuff and thanking him. Maybe, maybe I'll hear back, maybe I won't, I don't have any questions or whatever. But, you know, there's so many ways we can have these unofficial relationships where I could sit back and study all of your work and you know, maybe even get a chance to, you know, ask you a very pressing question. I can't find an answer to through an email or a dm or something, you know, it's so easy to get access to people and then they're not trapped into this. Speaker 4: 11:35 Like I'm not going to be your mentor. Like I got a lot of shit going on in your body. Like last thing I was just meant there's some weird guy, I saw the internet, but you can create this relationship. Maybe it's just one sided to you and you're like, listen, this is, you know, Ryan holiday, he's my mentor. I know I can email him and I can talk with him and I can, I, can we run through these things if the homies like, it just, just some fucking Weirdo emailed him. He answered me and he's like really awesome questions that I can just nail out of response to and stop Chitchat or you know. So I think don't be afraid, don't shy away from um, I, I asked Gordon Ramsey to, to mentor me and he won't like, well don't get caught up on this job. Speaker 4: 12:13 No Shit, he's not going to mentor you. I can get, but you can go out there, you can watch all of his youtube stuff, you can read his books, you can go to this restaurant, you can study his food and be like, how are you doing this? And maybe you get a shadow asking him like, listen man, I keep doing this. So my beef, Wellington and, and I do this thing. And just started coming out, right? Like, what's, what am I missing? And maybe he'll respond to you and say, listen, Hey, try this. I have that problem too. Ransom: 12:34 This is kind of different things though for me to, I, I definitely like that hands on approach. I guess maybe that's just part of learner. Speaker 4: 12:43 Yeah. No, I agree. I'm not trying to take away from that. But like I'll watch, I like to watch videos because that's how it's easy to get access to that person or their knowledge. And then you go and then you do the do, maybe they're not with me, but I'm like, I watched your video and maybe I'll remind them and watch it again Ransom: 13:01 because when I was tutoring people and stuff, they always used to tell me like, hey, why don't you just record this session, like put it up on Youtube and it's, you know, there are some people out there, you know, if you're trying to learn things from a mentor like me is um, you know, being a tutor or sometimes if I have to explain things like two, three times to feed more light on this, like come on, like don't you get it? Like, you know, what's the, you know, frustrated. So maybe maybe it might be right. I mean as far as like you can watch that youtube video over and over again. Right. And then kind of take the lesson from it even though you know, you didn't get it the first time. I said, okay, let's watch it again. Think more adults is watch it again. And then like, oh, okay, now I get it. Now maybe this is a good way to avoid a little irritation from the mentors that you're trying to seek to Speaker 4: 13:48 and that's going to be up to the mentor. Like, you know, I, I hear you, I get frustrated too. I'm like, man, what are you, what don't you get two plus two is four. I don't understand it. Here's four apples. Like I like, you know, and as you know, as a teacher or whatever as the thing, it's like you've got to have that within you. Maybe your mentor is just not the kind of, I hate repeating myself, but I understand that, you know, like Bill Walsh says, you know, knowledge is rarely imparted on the first try and you've gotta you've gotta keep going and going. You've got to learn that and understand sometimes takes people a little bit more often. Maybe that's the opportunity of, you know, of, of, of the youtube video or they're, you know, maybe you just say, hey, for my, my better comprehension learning. Do you mind if I record us talking so I can go back later and listen to the recording set of asking you the same question again? Ransom: 14:36 Yeah. Well, I mean, yeah, that kind of takes into sometimes if you, the mentee Lincoln searching for that mentorship, like you gotta have a good positive attitude about it. You know, like your attitude on the situation can change everything about them are shit. Um, I mean I get it. Sometimes people just don't Mesh well, personalities clash or whatever the case might be, but I mean, you know, the person that has that attitude like, Hey, what if I record this so that I can go back to it later. Like, you know, that's a little positive out to that person, kind of knows a little bit about themselves and you know, they're explained that positive attitude that hey, I'm going to get something out of this. Not, you know, uh, this, this person is so intimidating that I don't, I don't even know how to approach them. Ransom: 15:22 Know what I mean? It's like, oh, you know, going to go with. I mean, if Donald Trump's a battle, I'm going to go meet with Donald Trump or whatever and like he's going to teach me how to do all these real estate deals and it's like, oh, I'm not going to get everything on the first try, you know, and it's like, you know, sometimes it just takes, go, go to get in there and take notes or get a video recording or something like that, or kind of have your questions preplanned out and maybe he can kind of address them before you meet with your mentor. One of those are all. I think those are all kinds of good strategies. Speaker 4: 15:51 Yeah, I know when I, when I first, the very first time I asked them, I said, can I record this? I was so nervous. I like, this is inappropriate. Like are they going to be okay with that or we're not going to have to have a candid conversation? And it was like, yeah, that's great. I'm like, you know, I went, can I record this so I can refer back to it without having to ask you again? And it's like, yeah, absolutely. That's a great idea and it's like, you know, but after the first time was okay, this is sort of acceptable, you may be in today's society too. It's a lot better, you know, people are more comfortable with that. Ransom: 16:19 Yeah. And in today's society and you, you gotta watch out for the type of mentor that you have to like you got, you got some mentors out there. It's like, no, you can't record. This is proprietary information, you know, you to be respectful of that. They became just something about the attitude that you're employing to this person seeking their help. Like they have no obligation whatsoever to help you, even if they're paid for. You know what I mean? Who cares how much you pay $500, million dollars for their mentorship. Do they don't like you, like are, I'm sorry you paid your money's non refundable. Get out like the same. I'm not helping you, you're not helping me and we'll just say goodbye. Like you just, you got to be respectful of that. Yeah, absolutely. Ransom: 17:03 And then that's the same thing to head out there to, you know, like Tyson said, maybe you got to watch some youtube videos, read some books about a person or whatever the case might be. But I'm on, on the other side, on the flip side, it's like if you are going to see this mentor, like you don't really know what to expect the first day you meet them, first day you meet them, they may go out there. I think I've talked about this, this sounds like something talked about one of the previous episodes. But you'd go out and get out there to go meet that mentor is going to be like, hey man, go to starbucks and get me that Chai latte with the whatever. And it's like, you know, they'll do it. They'll sit there and oh man, like, oh, this guy was God wants to do is meet, get coffee. Ransom: 17:47 And then after you bring the coffee in the ace lunchtime, then, uh, we're going to go to that sandwich place over there and just make sure you get my sandwich right. Like, just tell them it's my sandwich. They they know me, they know what it is and it's like you don't even know what you're going there to order. Just be like, Hey, our ras on wants his sandwich and like they, they wrap it up and they give it to you. You didn't even know what's in there, but um, you know, you just got to have that good attitude, you know, and just Kinda Kinda get out there and see. You don't always know what's in the mind of the mentor. They may just be trying to test you or the NSC and observe how you do things and how you handle stressful situations. Like you got to give it some time before you just kind of be like, ah, screw this guy a man. Tyson: 18:28 Like you don't know me. I'm beyond mopping floors and sweep floors. Like I got a master's degree. Like who do you think I am? Like, that ain't going to get you nowhere Ransom: 18:37 mean just gets back to karate kid, Mr. Miyagi, man. It's like, man, I'm tired of washing your cars. Little did he know that, you know, he was actually teaching them like karate movements while he was on the fence, you know, you never know, you know, just understand that you're going to this person to kind of seek help, you know, like a one have a great positive attitude about it and kind of take things with a grain of salt, you know? And then at the same thing when they ask you to do things like don't give up sick, they say like the master has tried more times than the students failed. Like I don't understand. Well this is life. There's, there's no automatic free pass like some things you're good at. But for most people, if especially if you're going to seek a mentor for help, like you need help in this area, you're not the best at it. You're gonna fail. Like again, keep that, keep that up here. Tyson: 19:39 Did I ever tell the story of a will Smith's brother-in-law? Ransom: 19:43 No, I don't think so. Well maybe they, I don't know. Tyson: 19:47 It's a good example of this. So will Smith's brother, like he wanted to be a screenwriter or whatever direction like that. So he gave willsmith a, um, a screenplay or whatever, uh, and he's, what's Mrs like, God damn, this is good because like I ain't telling him that. He's like, listen, you're fat. Go to the gym. Like with me, you need six pack abs. Got To say what the fuck does this have to do with me being a screenwriter? And so, but it was a test. He's like, can you do this? Can you stick through this? So until you have six pack abs, I ain't working with you. So six months later he left to be sure he goes, narratives, okay, now come to the set, sweep the floors. And I said, fuck, it's whatever man will smith. And he just kept doing this thing and it's like, and it will smith. I was just testing like, can you, is it this business is hard. Can you do the shit work now? Because later on, you know what I mean? When, when shit gets hard, can I trust you to stick it through? Can you, if you can do this now? And I know later on and he did all the things we'll ask now they're, they're working on projects and stuff in it, you know, it was Speaker 4: 20:48 a long road for him, you know, and at first it's hard for him, I think from my perspective, the story to see initially what was going on. But he's like, listen, if this will let me use me to do it, this is what I gotta do to break into the business and that's what I got to do. And he was gracious about it and you know, now he's like, whatever. I think he's in his late forties, he's like, I'm the best shape of my life. Like thanks to will and pushing me to do this stuff and I'm in and I'm getting these opportunities and things I never would have gotten if I didn't stick to the plan and, and, and take his mentorship and take the brunt, grunt work and the things that were beneath me, you know, and just get them done. Ransom: 21:21 Yeah, I understand that, you know, a good mentor was the other, they've, they've been through most of this stuff. No. There are a few out there that kind of start at the top, but for most of the time most of the successful people I've known, they either came from nothing or they had a heart and their life, like data had it hard in the beginning and they overcame that obstacle or whatever it was. You know, even the people that started on top like they've always had some type of deficit. Any successful person that is out there today, how has the ability to overcome and learn how to adapt. You know, it's kind of getting back to the whole range of thing. They adapt and overcome. You've got a situation that's here, like you have to adapt and change something because the skills that you have are not working for that particular environment. You need to get up and go to the next one Speaker 4: 22:14 and sometimes that's what you need to do as like a leader or a boss or something like that is you've got to get in there and listen. Like, listen guys, let me show you how to map these Florida. Let me get in here and let's get this done. Or maybe we need an extra mop, it's not beneath me, I've done it before and I can do it again and I'm going to get in there and I'm going to do it. Sometimes you need that to either motivate your crew or get in there and show them, you know, how things need to be done or something along those lines. Ransom: 22:36 Yeah. And that just kind of goes back to the people you hang around or whatever. But you know, it's always good to have people that, you know, if you're seeking a mentor, like you want to spend time with that mentor, right? Whether it be social media, Youtube, reading books, and then from there you also want to have people who are on your level, you know what I mean? People that you can relate to and know sometimes you just need to vent, you know, like, Oh man, I'm a mentor having me do this. And then your friends will be like, yeah, my meds were having me do this. And like you guys can swap war stories, you know, just kind of helps build, you know, somebody you can relate to. And then on the same time, you're going to have people that you are mentoring, you know what I mean? Like eventually you're falling dispense or he's going to take you up this ladder and eventually you're gonna start to see people, you know, where you were at when you first started to be like, all right, I see where you're at here, you know, what, do abcd and this is what I did and this is kind of the things that I can show you. And then from there, you know, and again, that just kind of reinforces it. I think having a good mix, right of those things is just as important key to Speaker 4: 23:39 not like that. I never, I always thought before was a, you know, you know, I don't want people around me that are the same or below me because I need to be going. You know what I mean? Like if I'm going to surround myself with a finite amount of people, I need people above me. But I found that, you know, having the people on my level that we can, we can, we can bounce ideas off each other because we're in the same place and the people below me reinforces my teaching. A lot of times I get ideas. I'm like, God Dang it, I totally forgot about that. Now I have this new thing because I'm teaching somebody down a level or whatever. You know, those things are social good. None of us are beyond, are more important than anybody. Like help the guys around you like. And that's the thing I see a lot of. Well if I helped these people know me, then they're going to learn what I know and then I'm not going to have work man. Stop that. That coming from that place of scarcity, you got to come from abundance. You've got to come from this place of there's enough out there. And the more I give and the more I teach and share, the richer I'm going to be, you know, mentally and spiritually, whatever, whatever it is you, you know, you believe and what not. Speaker 5: 24:41 Yeah, definitely. And that Kinda goes along the lines of like, you know, taking events or sounds easy, but people usually pick mentors by what they think they see. They see success, they see, they see all this stuff. Like, oh this person is so great. Like they have achieved so many things and like, oh yeah, but that's just what you, you think you know about that person when you actually get to know that person and kind of know who they are and what they go through. Like you may not like that person. You may not like the results. I mean, well you see the results that you think you want and then all of a sudden it's like now when you figure out what you gotta do to get those results or would you figure out what those results were really entail? Like you may not want that. Speaker 5: 25:28 Yeah. It's just like be be cautious out of there. It's just like you, you think you want something. And then when he started going down the path, you're like, Nah, this isn't for me. You know, that kind of helped happened to me a little bit in real estate, so I thought that that was a thing. I thought that I was going to go out there and do that, and then kind of halfway through it I was like, you know, I can do this. I'm good at it, but at the same time I'm not so sure this is for me. Right. Speaker 4: 25:55 No, it's okay to to, to, to stop something, to cut ties to say, you know what? This isn't what I thought or this person he's doing these things. He's getting a success. These on his level I want to be, but he's doing the things that are I don't think or moral or sit well with me or whatever. You got to be able to say, listen, I've spent this time and you know that they're called the sunk cost fallacy, right? Where are they going to put all this time and this money into it? So we've got to keep going because I've already done all of this. You got to say no. Listen, it doesn't matter how much time and money I put in, enough is enough. Today's the last day, you know, it's moments over and I'm going to cut ties and I'm going to have to. I'm going to go in a new direction on and reevaluated my goals are, you know, I'm not going to compromise my morals or my standards to achieve this thing. I'm going to have to do it in a way that's comfortable to me. Speaker 5: 26:40 Yeah. When picking a mentor you, you, there's a lot of things involved with like, you know, you've got to kind of see the results that you want to kind of know the work that they do, but at the same time your personality personalities got to match to. If you're somebody who always has to be the star and your mentor always has to be the star. When the two of you who hang out together kind of do things like that might be a little clash and conflict because you might feel that that person is taking away all the fame and all the star Star Ism and it's all about them and like you, you might get hurt by that, you know, again, have a positive attitude but kind of no one thinks don't work. Another, another form of that is Kinda like for me, I'm the kind of person that when I see negative energy come at me, like I just feed off that and be like, all right, I'll take that and I'll kind of go with it. Speaker 5: 27:30 But there are some people when they get that negative energy, they just have to present to this big basically pass it through them. So like you gotta know a personality conflicts. Like if I'm trying to mentor somebody who, you know, they have to vent all the time, like that's probably, you know, I can teach you methods on how to take that anger and take that frustration and use it for something positive. Versus you're the type of person where you can't handle the stress of that. When you get that stress, you have to either pass it off or kind of go do something and chill out. Like, you know, just be aware. There are personality conflicts, there are conflicts between mentors and it's nothing personal. You know, we thought this person was a woman. They have the results, everything. But when you met together in their personalities just didn't match. It didn't mesh well. I definitely think cutting your losses and trying to find a mentor that suit who's probably going to be a lot more productive when you realized that this is the losing investment, you know, once you, once you see you're digging a hole, stop digging. Speaker 5: 28:39 What about this thing that you brought up earlier yesterday, whatever it was about these unintended mentors. That was an interesting thing to me. Yeah. Yeah. So again, unintended much. There's, this Kinda goes back from who your friends are, right? It's you. You may not know it, but sometimes that's just take a prime example would be like your parents. You may not know it because they've always been around. I've always been influencing you and as you were growing up, you've kind of emulated them, but there comes a certain time in life and appointed life when you really aren't your parents world that your parents grew up in, was different from the world that you grew up in and from there you kind of have to know that like, hey, look, the skills that I was emulating when I was a kid like this person, you know, subconsciously it was my mentor because it just kind of emulated and did what they did in today's world. Speaker 5: 29:36 If I were to emulate them and do those things, you know, that's not going to be best for me. Best for you. That's out there. And that can also go with some of your friends. You know, sometimes some of the friends that you hang around, you know, and little beknownst to you, they subconsciously affect you, right? What they wear, what kind of car do they drive? Where they live, what I mean, how did they resolve situations when you guys are together and like you may not even know it, but your best friend, maybe your mentor, you just kind of emulate what they do. You guys do the same thing, right? Like you guys are besties, right? Meaning the same thing and it's like, okay, well if you want to, you know, get a different result. Like you might have to change that mentor. You may have to stop hanging around that person or maybe they'll altogether but hang around them less, you know, that kind of stuff. And it's just like those are the things that people are where they are and you got to figure it out. You got to figure the game, you know? It's like, Damn that guy, I'm an African that Brian did it. Yeah. He's been my mentor this whole time. I didn't even know it like crazy Tyson: 30:48 interesting. It's kind of like, um, people that grow up like all these guys I grew up with, all the sudden we're in the same neighborhood. It's like there was three kids in the neighborhood, all you guys all hung out together, like you guys should still be friends, but if they're doing things that maybe aren't in line with your goals or they're on a different path or they're doing shady shit, like you don't have to understand like, listen, I don't want to be these people. I don't want to be their average or I want to go with different ways so you can still be friends and you guys, but understand that you've got to separate yourself. And I like that. That's, that's an interesting concept. I see a lot of people fall into that. Like, well they're my friends. And, and I said, yeah, but you're doing the same things they're doing and you don't want those results. What do you, what are you doing here? What are you doing? That's interesting. I like that. Speaker 5: 31:28 Yeah. And then it's Kinda like the same thing with like outgrowing events or you know, and you're on a good mesh. Well, and then all of a sudden you get to the point over, you know, maybe five or 10 years where you have learned everything that they know and it's Kinda like, all right, well this was good for the time being, but I didn't move on. I need to go get a different perspective. I need to go get, you know, have a different set of skills. Right? Or get to the higher level. It's like okay, I've mastered the medium level skills, now we need to go get the professional skills and now I got to go seek a new mentors. Like, you know, this show is always about awareness. Like get out there, be aware of what it is your situation is and kind of know when it's working for you and when it's not working for you. Tyson: 32:13 Absolutely. And it goes back to like we were saying earlier, don't be afraid of, you know, the sunk cost fallacy. Like, well I've been with this guy for five years now and it's like I'm kind of, we're not the same level and I, you know, I really don't want to Tuck. You can still be friends, you can still work together, but go seek the guy at the next level and and it's only gonna help him grow as well. Like Dang grants. What do you want to manage the. Oh man, I hooked up with, with Jim. Jim's on another level than we are mad. Like, oh, let's go, let's go see what's up with that Speaker 4: 32:40 and now you're bringing up the whole group. Speaker 5: 32:42 That kind of started from the bottom now here. Hey. Speaker 4: 32:47 Right, exactly. Speaker 5: 32:49 The whole team started. You know what? That just kinda comes into play too. It's like always, always keep that positive attitude changes different doesn't always mean that change is bad and all these things that are going through your head and above all, you know, not going to hang out with Tyson anymore. It's not going to like me or hate me. You know what I mean? I, I got new friends like you know, if they're really your friends, if they're really people who care about you, then they want what's best for you. Always remember that the old people who want the best for you, stick with that. Those people don't want the best for you. It's like, oh no, don't hang out with that new mentor. Come with us. Those people are just trying to drag you down or whatever it is. Whether it's their selfish reasons that they have for themselves or whatever the case might be like, you don't always need that in your life. You don't need that toxicity. You don't need that employees. Speaker 4: 33:38 It's the same thing. I tell my kids like say, oh, this person, that person like, wait, they're not. They don't have your best interest at heart. Oh, well you know, like they're not your friend. I was like, all right, now all my friends know. Never when we were growing up to ever did they ever do that. You know, they never, they never had their own interest at heart. They have, you know, like, listen, Hey Tyson, you know, you're fucking up or you shouldn't be doing this stuff and even if it hurt them or if it wasn't to their benefit, I, I know I can, I can count on a bunch of people that. That's the level of friendship like to me, those are friends. He's other people is like, listen, and I tell my kids, I was like, that's just somebody you know, don't, don't call them your friend. Speaker 4: 34:13 If they don't, they're not gonna tell you you're fucking up. Or if they're, if they're not going to let you know, um, or they're, they're selfish and they want you to do things because it's for their benefit. They're not a real friend. Don't, you know, don't put any effort into that kind of friendship. It can be nice and you know, you can help them out and you can, you can have a different view to them. But if they're trying to, you know, either whatever self sabotage you or whatever, hold you back. Like understanding, listen, I understand what you're doing. That's cool. We don't have to have that type of friendship. Speaker 5: 34:42 Yeah. And the, you know, and that goes off there. And then the same thing. It's like, for those of you that are trying to seek mentors that are on the professional level and the higher level, like don't be afraid. It's like, yeah, you've been following this person on Youtube or social media or whatever. And, you know, for me it's like I live in Hawaii and this person that I'm falling, they live in Iowa. Like I mean like for me, I need that in touch person. Like I need to next person to emulate them. Like don't be scared, go out there, you want them, hey, you know what, I got two weeks vacation next month. Like, can we meet? It's like if this person is really your mentor for this person is really going to instill something in you and you want to get out there and follow them, go out there to meet them for professionals that are out there. Speaker 5: 35:34 And it doesn't matter where they are. I mean there's a lot of country to go get a passport, go file to Italy, go meet them and be like, Hey, I'm, I want to be a mentee to you and I want to learn from you and here's some questions that I have for you or you know what I mean? There's take, um, I'm here for two weeks. You know what I mean? I'll work for you for free for two weeks and just teach me what you can. You want to get to that next level, like you got to do different things. You've got to get out there and be brave and do the things that nobody else is willing to do. Tyson: 36:04 I'm not going to like early on the show. If they need to get coffee and so forth for two weeks, do that. Do Grace do with and listen to what's going on. Watch what's going on around. You're going to learn that way too. Even if you're sweeping the floor and you're watching what he's doing and what's going on and how these deals going down, you can see the flavor like, Hey, I noticed this thing can, can you real quick, boom. You know, don't, don't, don't, don't think nothing's been anything is beneath you. Speaker 5: 36:29 Yeah, for sure. And this just for me, I just amazes people is like, or it amazes me of all people is like, they're like, oh no, that mentor would never listened. It's like, how do you know? It will never listen to you. There might be something about you. It's like I've been in real estate deals for how long I've been in business for like 10 over 10 years already. But I mean, like most people think, oh, you know, it's just about the money. It's like, it's not always about the money. I mean I've, I've had sellers pict offers for very many different reasons and you'd be surprised at how they pick the offer. It's not always about was the best price. You know, you just got to find out what matters to that seller. Right? Or what matters to that mentor. And if you are a lot, you have the same reasoning. Speaker 5: 37:16 You guys click well. They may just like you, we never know right off the bat it's like, you know what, I like you and I, I'm going to go to a dinner and so social network or whatever. It's like once you come with me, all of those things like that, you know, it just, it just happens like that. And like, you would be amazed to get open your mind and even if it doesn't pan out well and it just ends up crappies acknowledged, never going to teach you get outta here. Alright. You try. No, no, definitely tried. But you never know until you try. Tyson: 37:50 Yeah. That's the thing. I guess I'd probably sit down here many a times, you know, the, the, the world we live in now, the level of access that's available to these people is unprecedented. You know, it's not hard to DM somebody or, or whatever or, or get their email somehow, you know what I mean? And you know, ethically and ask them very targeted and you'd be surprised at who were, who were apply to you. You know, maybe it's not today. Maybe it's on the next five minutes, but maybe in a week or two weeks. And now they're like, hey, you know, here's the answer to your question. I hope I wish you the best. Speaker 5: 38:25 Sometimes it's like, you know, when the student is ready, the master appears manager will appear. Sometimes this is the fact that you're not ready for it, you know? Yeah, exactly. And that just kinda goes back to that all the time, right when we did the 12 rules, right, we went out there and we ask for a signed copy. Not even thinking that anything was going to happen, but love and behold, it did. They sent us a signed copy that we gave away to somebody. Nope. That's amazing. Tyson: 38:51 It took me maybe two weeks to hunt down. I went through so many channels to try and get to somebody and I just kept going and going. Eventually I got somebody to reply back to me and then boom, the unreal. But, but, you know, I've had several conversations with people, you know, um, whether it's in a dm or an email or whatever. And I'm very respectful of our time and I want to say almost every single time I get a reply, you know, and, and, and I try to keep those conversations. Like I told you guys very, I'm very direct, very to the point like, um, something highly targeted that I haven't struggling with it, I couldn't find the answer to or the nuances of the answers just weren't, you know. Speaker 5: 39:35 Yeah, that's good. And then, uh, you know, I know we talked a lot about business and we talked a lot about bettering yourself, but you know, don't think that mentors have to be only business related. The only thing that it has to be about your work life, like there are other areas in your life that you need a mentor for, like say you've been single for the past nine years. You don't need a mentor to teach you business mentor to teach you how to be in a relationship or know what I mean, or whatever that case. Maybe you're single because you're a spiritual person and you follow God or whatever they, whatever religion that is like, you don't get out there and go get a spiritual mentor. It doesn't. It doesn't have to be just about is this like any Arab, the life that you want to improve in right now? Speaker 5: 40:26 Number one, I have a good positive attitude and be grateful for things. And then number two, you know you to put your self around the right people who are going to help you and get you to where they need to be. And if you hang around people who are single all the time and you're a single person, guess what that's going to get you guys are all going to be single for a while. You don't get. If you want to know what it's like to be in a marriage, like go find people who have successful marriages, go have dinner at their house. It's not that hard to see what their family life is like. Talk to them, hey, how did you guys meet? Like what happened? Like what sparked and like don't just be around those people. And eventually, you know, through emulation you will get that. Tyson: 41:10 Yeah, you should have every area of life you're looking to improve, no matter what area it is. I've got physical mentors for esophageal of mentors, you know, all these things. I've got tons of mentors, you know, um, because I need somebody that's been there that is there that needs to that so I can get to the next level, you know, and you, you gotTa, you know, every, every thing about the professional athletes on these guys and stuff, they've got coaches. It's the same thing. You know, you want to get to the next level, you somebodies got to, you need a trainer, you need whatever you need these people in your life to get you where you want to be so you can become a better person. It's not just about business, you know, we need somebody to teach you how to relax. Go find somebody that's good at teaching meditation. Whatever it is that you need to do so you can chill out and learn breathing statuses. So many things. Speaker 5: 41:56 I knew that I needed a relaxing mentor to relax. Life is stressful. Do the best way you can. Yup. Tyson: 42:08 Anything else you want to talk about this France? Speaker 5: 42:11 Uh, no matter. I think that's good. Yeah. Speaker 6: 42:14 Again, get out there and don't be afraid to, to pick people and don't be afraid to, you know, look around you. And if this is one mentor you have for a long time, we will hold up. Speaker 5: 42:28 You don't have to hold on. Speaker 6: 42:30 Person has the best interest for sure. Tyson: 42:35 Yeah, absolutely. And with that, um, when this airs, there's a couple days left in the September giveaway for the unshakable. If you're watching this after October first and check out what's the Oct giveaway. I haven't had anything set set down in stone. I got some things working. We'll see all those kinds of out. If not just, you know, whenever you're looking, looking to see what we got going on over to the social chameleon.show/pick me and get into this. You know, this current giveaway we have going on. It's always. I always try to get things in there that help you folks, um, become better people. Become, you know, what that all kinds of areas. I try to, you know, we tried to pick different things that can help you guys become a well rounded and I'm the best person you want to be. And then for you know, different resources and books and stuff, look at what you're trying to accomplish, what, what area, you know, spiritually, physically, mentally, business marketing, whatever it is you're looking for. Go find people that you're interested in and see what they have out there. Do they have a book or books that you can learn and study from? Speaker 5: 43:44 Go look at people like mentor, go visit their social media page, go read a book that they wrote. No, this is, this is up to you. We're trying to get you to get out there and get a mentor. Tyson: 43:56 Yeah. So you think it's the only thing that they most likely have a youtube of some things on there and they have a website with some articles and things you can read and all these different things. I like this, this new thing I kind of stumbled on called masterclass has got, you know, I just finished, like I said, Samuel Jackson's class, I'm doing Malcolm Gladwell's now, you know, uh, and I have no desire to be an actor, but what I learned how to, to to carry myself and conduct myself in all these things from that thing, you know, and um, I noticed I to write a book, but I'm going to learn from Malcolm gladwell about how to make this better. How to make my writing better. How mixed episode, you know, all these different things. It's 180 bucks for a whole year of this. I think there's 30 or so people on there, Gordon Ramsay usher, and there's so many things on there and, but now these are my new mentors and I'm gonna I'm gonna learn from them and if I've got questions I'm going to throw it in the group and if I, if I can't get an answer there, I'll tweet them. Tyson: 44:47 I'll try and figure this out. You know. So there's these different things. Ransom likes. Um, what does that one that you like from a Speaker 5: 44:55 Tai Lopez? Some negative connotation about Tai Lopez. I mean just about the flash and stuff, but in a 67 steps though, he seems like a pretty reasonable human being down to earth kind of guy in that, in that series. Same thing to him. He talks about this, men are sort of shifting in there and he's got a lot of books that he reads, movies that he talks about. Um, 67 steps. I don't think it's quite 180 bucks I think. I mean just depending on when you get in. He kind of uses it sometimes, but I got it for $67 and 67 videos over 67 days, anywhere from like maybe 20 minutes to 40 minutes of video stuff and Tyson: 45:37 yeah, there's so many things out there. I was like, I was, I was talking with her and some of the day, um, there's a, there's a online course at Princeton. I was looking at getting in free. So many things out there. So many things. If you're looking at whatever, whatever you're trying to do in life, it's not about business, not about money or the hustle, whatever, whatever it is you're trying to improve. Go out there, find the people that are doing it and, and, and learn from them. And then with that, what is this week's challenge? Ransom. Speaker 5: 46:06 Alright. Challenge. As you know, this show is always about awareness. Today's challenges about be aware of your mentors and look at the five people you hang around most. Who are they? What do they do? Know? Also think about questions like, have you grown them right? Are there any unintended mentors that are doing you bad? Right? Sometimes there's on intended mentors that are doing you good, right? So for some of you listening, you know what I mean, you, you got five good friends who are doing the right, but for some of you out there, you got five good friends or maybe five unintended mentors who are not serving you that well. I challenge you today to reevaluate your inner circle and make the changes that you need to make. Tyson: 46:57 Absolutely guys having the wrong mentor or the right mentor can be a game changer. You know, connect with somebody that can help you become the best version of yourself and whatever areas you're trying to to improve. And if this resonated with you and you can think of one or two people, um, that could, could, could use a new mentor or get into these different things, you know, share this with them. Let, let, let us help, help you, help them, you know, and all, you know, you guys can follow us and what we're up to all week long and the social community show on facebook, instagram, twitter. Also, you can subscribe on Youtube and your favorite podcast APP. If you guys could, you know, if you liked what you heard and you like the message we're trying to bring out here and you want to, you know, leave us a review on the different podcast apps. It really helps the show reach more amazing people like you and for past episodes and everything we've talked about here today, I will leave all the different links to different email@example.com and until next time, keep learning growing and transforming into the person you want to become. Connect On Social This podcast is available on… Anchor Google Play Music Breaker Castbox Overcast Pocket Casts RadioPublic TuneIn 60: Book Review: Radical Acceptance By Tara Brach, Ph.D. 40: Book Review: Civilization and Its Discontents By Sigmund Freud 8: It’s About Time 37: What You Should Know About… Your Money 16: Conquering Expectations 10: B & I Cashflow Quadrants PT 2 45: Book Review: Freewill By Sam Harris 51: Dr. Kelly Duffy 1: Mindset [Recorded Live On Facebook] 17: Who’s Got My Money?