How To Win Friends & Influence People

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Dale Carnegie Training
In 1912, the world-famous Dale Carnegie Course began, where he discovered and developed new techniques that made speakers unafraid to address a public audience. Carnegie had tapped into the average person’s desire to have more self-confidence.
Dale Carnegie

How to Win Friends and Influence People

Published in 1936, How to Win Friends and Influence People is still a popular book in business and business communication skills. Dale Carnegie's four part book contains advice on how to create success in business and personal lives. How to Win Friends and Influence People is a tool used in Dale Carnegie Training and includes the following parts:

  1. Part One: Fundamental Techniques in Handling People
  2. Part Two: Six Ways to Make People Like You
  3. Part Three: How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking
  4. Part Four: Be a Leader – How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment

Other Books

  • 1915: Art of Public Speaking,[19] with Joseph Berg Esenwein.
  • 1920: Public Speaking: the Standard Course of the United Y. M. C. A. Schools.[20]
  • 1926: Public Speaking: a Practical Course for Business Men.[21] Later editions and updates changed the name of the book several times: Public Speaking and Influencing Men in Business (1937 revised),[22] How to Develop Self-Confidence and Influence People by Public Speaking (1956)[23] and Public Speaking for Success (2005).[24]
  • 1932: Lincoln the Unknown.[25]
  • 1934: Little Known Facts About Well Known People.[26]
  • 1936: How to Win Friends and Influence People.[27]
  • 1937: Five Minute Biographies.[28]
  • 1944: Dale Carnegie's Biographical round-up.[29]
  • 1948: How to Stop Worrying and Start Living.[30]
  • 1959: Dale Carnegie's Scrapbook: a Treasury of the Wisdom of the Ages.[31] A selection of Dale Carnegie's writings edited by Dorothy Carnegie.
  • 1962: The Quick and Easy Way to Effective Speaking.[32] The fourth revision of Public speaking and influencing men in business, by Dorothy Carnegie, based upon Dale Carnegie's own notes and ideas but a very different book than original.

Biography

Born Dale Harbison Carnagey[2] in 1888 in Maryville, Missouri, Carnegie was a poor farmer's son, the second son of James William Carnagey (b. Indiana, 1852-1941) and his wife Amanda Elizabeth Harbison (b. Missouri, 1858-1939). Carnegie grew up around Bedison, Missouri southeast of Maryville and attended rural Rose Hill and Harmony one room schools [3][4][3] (which would be consolidated after he left into Maryville High School). Carnegie would develop a long standing friendship with another Maryville author Homer Croy.[5]

In 1904, when he was 16-years old, his family moved to a farm in Warrensburg where he completed his high schooling in 1906.[6][7]During his high school years he grew interested in the speeches at the various Chautauqua assemblies.[6]

Carnegie said he had to get up at 3 a.m. to feed the pigs and milk his parents' cows before going to school.

He attended State Teacher's College in Warrensburg graduating in 1908.[6]

His first job after college was selling correspondence courses to ranchers. He moved on to selling baconsoap, and lard for Armour & Company. He was successful to the point of making his sales territory of South Omaha, Nebraska, the national leader for the firm.[8]

His parents moved to Belton, Missouri in 1910 after he graduated and when Carnegie was 22. Carnegie would visit frequently throughout his life and would be buried in the family plot there.[9]

After saving $500 (about $13 thousand today), Dale Carnegie quit sales in 1911 in order to pursue a lifelong dream of becoming a Chautauqua lecturer. He ended up instead attending the American Academy of Dramatic Arts in New York, but found little success as an actor, though it is written that he played the role of Dr. Hartley in a road show of Polly of the Circus.[10] When the production ended, he returned to New York, unemployed, nearly broke, and living at the YMCA on 125th Street. There he got the idea to teach public speaking, and he persuaded the YMCA manager to allow him to instruct a class in return for 80% of the net proceeds. In his first session, he had run out of material. Improvising, he suggested that students speak about "something that made them angry", and discovered that the technique made speakers unafraid to address a public audience.[11] From this 1912 debut, the Dale Carnegie Course evolved. Carnegie had tapped into the average American's desire to have more self-confidence, and by 1914, he was earning $500 (about $12200 today) every week.

Carnegie changed the spelling of his last name at a time when the steel magnate Andrew Carnegie, to whom he was not related, was a widely recognized, much-revered name. As Dale Carnagey, he worked as assistant to Lowell Thomas in his famous travelogue "With Allenby in Palestine and Lawrence in Arabia". He managed and delivered the travelogue in Canada.

By 1916, Dale was able to rent Carnegie Hall itself for a lecture to a packed house.[12] Carnegie's first collection of his writings was Public Speaking: a Practical Course for Business Men (1926), later entitled Public Speaking and Influencing Men in Business (1932). His crowning achievement, however, was when Simon & Schuster published How to Win Friends and Influence People. The book was a bestseller from its debut in 1936,[13] in its 17th printing within a few months.[12] By the time of Carnegie's death, the book had sold five million copies in 31 languages, and there had been 450,000 graduates of his Dale Carnegie Institute.[14] It has been stated in the book that he had critiqued over 150,000 speeches in his participation in the adult education movement of the time.[15]

During World War I he served in the U.S. Army spending the time at Camp Upton.[16] His draft card noted he had filed for Conscientious objector status and had a loss of a forefinger.[17]

His first marriage ended in divorce in 1931. On November 5, 1944, in Tulsa, Oklahoma, he married Dorothy Price Vanderpool (1913–1998), who also had been divorced. Vanderpool had two daughters; Rosemary, from her first marriage, and Donna Dale from their marriage together.

Carnegie died at his home in Forest Hills, New York.[18] He was buried in the BeltonCass County, Missouri, cemetery. The official biography from Dale Carnegie & Associates, Inc. states that he died of Hodgkin's disease, complicated with uremia, on November 1, 1955.

Resource: wikipedia.org/wiki/Dale_Carnegie 

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Episode Transcripts 

Tyson: 00:00:07 Welcome to the social chameleon show, where It's our goal to help you learn, grow and transform into the person you want to become. Today we're doing a classic book review. You have Dale Carnegie's how to win friends and influence people. I've got a little small little pocket copy here, a little bit about Dale Carnegie. You guys don't know. He was a writer and a lecture and developer of famous courses and self improvement, salesmanship, corporate training, public speaking, interpersonal skills. He's quite famous guy, uh, for, for these different things. And if you're not aware of him, he's got some, some things that really just times, you know, really perennial ideas and philosophies that really do just hold up. Well, he did this in the early 19 hundreds. I believe he started his career in 1912. Um, I don't think there's any been anybody alive from that era anymore.

Tyson: 00:01:14 Um, and in this book originally came out in 1937 and that was born out of a class. It was just a classroom is trying to teach a. He surveyed people and they wanted to know a better ways of communicating with people and getting them to their side of the ideas or products or whatever it was they were doing and he just kept refining. This, started off as a little shorter the class and it turned into a longer class, lower class and more popular class and in this was intended as the textbook for the class, which then evolved into what we now know is one of the all time greatest selling books that there ever has been, especially in this space.

Ransom: 00:01:56 And there's different versions of the book. I think Tyson is up a little pocket book or whatever. Yeah, and then I have the original book and it's not even the original book. Accurate's in they say it was, it was the eighties, it 19, 36 and then revise in anyone but this one is still kind of algae original growth in 1961 or whatever printed in 81. And then for me, I guess for time purposes I kind of switched from reading a book and I went to the audio book at some point because I just didn't have time so I was just listening to allow us going in the car, the audio book version is how to win friends and influence people in the digital age and now in 2011 and they actually have some new stuff in there. So I guess his institute or whatever it keeps updating the things, updating the classes and they, they revise it to modern times. There's really

Tyson: 00:02:59 no to talking with you about that version. I'm interested in reading, listening to that version as well. There is the original version you can hear. I'm on audible. That's the version I own. Um, and, and the Dale Carnegie Institute, they still to this day have classes. I've been to a class maybe a year or so ago. It's still around. Still kicking over 100 years later. Yeah. Cool. Sweet. And, um, anything else about little little behind this, you know, little overview about the book and he, anything you want to talk about before we get down to the dirty of it, just kind of know that this book is one of those

Ransom: 00:03:37 books that have lasted the test of time. So, you know, if you're, you know, me maybe in the first quarter your life or in your youth or adolescent years, this may be the first time you're hearing this kind of stuff, but we've been around for a little bit of time, you know, maybe not as long as the dinosaurs, but you do know the dinosaurs you've probably seen or heard some of the stuff in this book before. Um, and that's just because, again, because of the Carnegie Institute and his classes and all of those things that are up to date, like he's taught these things over the test of time. So was kind of, be aware of that. Um, is this your first time reading a book? Like this absolute must read? Definitely get out there and get that stuff if you're kind of in that realm of books than some of the things that Dale Carnegie started have kind of disseminated and other people have either adopted it and slash or adapted it to their style. One of these things may be kind of a similar.

Tyson: 00:04:38 Right? Um, I have, I have had my daughter read this when she was going into seventh grade and I was like, you're gonna start to getting into that high school time when when friends feel like they matter and you want to feel, you know, that sense of belonging and all these different things. And I had her read it and I think she got some stuff from. I know at the time it was way over her head, but I want some of those concepts to stick. And we were, we were in the car when I was refreshing myself with the book and say, Oh God, yeah, I remember reading this. This was a good book, you know, so it's like I was kinda happy that it kind of stuck a little. She remembered she remembered when she read it. I definitely think it's something for, you know, definitely if you've got kids in high school going to high school, I think it's something to, to, to put it in their hands and say, hey, read this, understand what it's like to, you know, get along with other people, be liked and be like a bowl and all these different types of things.

Tyson: 00:05:32 We'll kind of get into a little bit later on. And this also goes into the leadership brown,

Ransom: 00:05:36 you know, if you're any type of either military role where you're, you have subordinates, emo commanders above you and anytime you're either a supervisor or add or possibly a manager. I know a lot of us out there for managers, we don't, we like to think that we're doing the best job in the world are we really don't need any help is where the best possible thing on this earth for the company. But um, you know, you just pick it up and just start reading some things. It might help you out with some of the problems that you have with some of your staff at our may possibly even help you out with some of the things that you, um, problems and issues that you have with your manager or your organization and they got a lot of good things in there, especially in the digital age, one that are relevant to today's world in today's society on the other copy of the full that'll just kind of helped you with your peace person.

Ransom: 00:06:28 Personable and people skills can say that right now, but anyway, but anyway, any type of leaderships goal and it's not necessarily just about friends and stuff like that. It's also how you can fit into an organization and slash or structure herself and not be competitive in the workspace as well. That's the thing I noticed this time. I think this is maybe my third or fourth time reading this book and I've read a lot since the last time I read it and there was a bunch of things. I was like, wait a minute. It sounds like Jocko willink, you find references to other other books and similar out there and things because like we said earlier, this, these principles have slipped because of time. It's probably been around since mankind first really kinda started hanging out. So, um, yeah, don't, don't discount the age of the book. Yeah. And then for those days than the entrepreneur space, um, definitely if you want to network with people and, or things like that, this book definitely has a lot of those types of strategies out there to network and kind of make the win win situation and other things. They have a lot of examples and in all versions of the book I think by now. So let's get, let's get down to the thing. Let's dive into the book a little deeper. Let's start talking about the different chapters and things like forming a focal point.

Ransom: 00:07:59 Like I said, I went through one version of book and then I switched. So I think the themes are, the way we kind of panned it out, it's like it just generally has themes that the book goes through. Um, and again, you know, the faces and names have been changed I guess as times get newer, we definitely provide new are examples in the newer versions of that book versus the older ones. So now pretty cool. So first few chapters or the first themes behind the first few chapters, or do we got here the very first section, chapter, I guess I don't know how we want to call it, but it's people that's the high level concept of this chapter, handling by their neck. Sometimes it's what you feel like doing, but uh, and then the first principle within that is don't criticize and what comes back ringing in my head is 12 rules for life, Jordan Peterson, I just, his

Speaker 3: 00:08:56 voice pops into my head when I hear, don't criticize

Speaker 3: 00:09:01 and, and in, in that, I mean, we, I say we all are mostly all of us are victims of that criticized. It's so easy to jump to criticize him, jumped to criticism. Uh, my favorite story in is when he was that letter from the father to the kid. That was, that was, that was heart wrenching stories. Where was it? What was it called? A father forgets, but I was like, dad reflects at the end of the day and there's little things like a five year old boy is like, no, sorry, I was such an asshole to you all day long and I was just trying to do, do my things and you're just trying to play and, and uh, he loved me and Mr Chairman.

Ransom: 00:09:47 Sorry you need to say hi.

Speaker 3: 00:09:52 That's nice. We'll take it off. You just come and hang out. Yeah. Cool. No worries. Alright. So my favorite story in this chapter was the father forgets it's this little letter his dad wrote to his son. He was sleeping and kind of stuck in his room and read and he got it felt like an asshole for no brushing the sun off all day when it was just trying to be a little boy and no shows that love and play and be a boy. And it was really good story. I like how he know, he's like, you know, you're just a boy. I can't expect you to know all these things and do all these things and be proper. And, and all this stuff, and I'm scolding you for eating your breakfast the wrong way and you don't know no better. You're a little boy. And I was like, wow, what a, what a, what is? Think about things and understanding I, I, I find myself doing that too with my kids. I'm like, well, what's wrong with you? Do you mean you don't know this stuff? You know, you just don't like I, I my expectations as you do because I knew.

Ransom: 00:10:59 Yeah. And I think a lot of this bull comes down to that kind of stuff. Like this is about how to, you know, not necessarily when friends were kind of like meet people halfway, you know, this will kind of teaches us to kind of get over our expectations of people. Get our ego for say as to what should or shouldn't be or that. I mean you'll, you'll see a lot of the common themes is fine as far as leaders go. Like you'll have to admit your own faults. Alright Amina, instead of pretending to be perfect. You know, this book has a lot of those kinds of themes and I think that's a really good story that tasting was saying about, you know, just a father and son kind of thing. I mean you often forget that it's like hey, if this child is just starting out in the world, you know, versus me as a father, I have 30 years experience in the world and it's like well you don't know how to do that. Like, like they don't that experience and it just, it's a good opening story to just kind of see like, like in the rules are in the positions of society, you know, the people that you're talking to may not have the same experiences that you have. They may not have knowledge base that you have and you know, you just kind of got to keep that to mine and sometimes you just want to handle people by the neck. Right. But what I mean they just haven't been in those skills just yet.

Tyson: 00:12:18 So when you can teach that, I've learned about like common sense, what do you mean? It's common sense. Like what's common to you isn't common to the next person or everybody know what's coming to me, where we grew up in how we did things is not what's common to somebody that grew up on a farm or in the city or whatever in a different state. Like I would walk into a farming, but what do you mean it's common sense. You don't know how to rear colic. Freshman accurately know what that word means. I don't know what to do with it, you know, but to them it's like this common sense what you mean you don't have to do this and that's what we've gotta to got to realize what we're working with other people. We're talking to people. It's like just because it's common to you and you think it's something everybody should know. It's not true. Other people have many different experiences. They might have been taught a different way or or or, or whatever it is. Who knows? Give people the benefit of the doubt. Understand like it's easy to jump. The very first thing jumped to criticism. It's part of how we're wired, but you got to understand that. Give people a chance, give them an opportunity to learn and it's gonna make your day life better, to be that little bit calmer and more understanding.

Ransom: 00:13:24 Yeah. And then that brings us to the next point and you know, in the flow of the book is just, you know, basically our appreciation and want to come from again, you probably heard us talk about gratitude and many of our previous episodes talk about appreciation being positive, like a lot of those things. Again, this book was the original copyright of this book was 1939. That's a long time ago. Still talking about appreciation and still talking about or how to being happy or being able to express the fact, Hey Tyson, thank you for doing that. Or I mean just kind of in the same story. It's okay. Thank you so much and be sincere about a, you know, don't just throw your blanket response to that. You tell to everybody, oh you're so great. Oh you're so great. Like you tell everybody in the office are so great, like that's not really something special for every person. You know, you've got to get out there and be genuine about it. And I'd be like, tell them what their great or, or know, tell them what you're grateful for about yourself. Works both to

Tyson: 00:14:28 one of the good points in this book too is giving that sincere appreciation, sincere gratitude, and there's so much research on this topic and we like that we have talked about it so much, but it's so important and that theme is sprinkled throughout all of these points in here is giving that gratitude, giving that appreciation. This is one thing I absolutely struggle with a lot is that the grant appreciation like I can. That's fine. It's those small things that I'm like, why do you want me to pat you on the back? Because you did exactly what you're supposed to do. That doesn't make sense to me. Like, you know, but I've heard it, I heard it a lot. People are like, well, you know, I wish you would, um, you know, give me more praise or appreciation for these little tasks up. And I'm like, shut the fuck up this you're supposed to be doing like, but I've learned that, okay, you need this step by step encouragements.

Tyson: 00:15:20 You need to to have me acknowledges the small wins and the small progresses and the steps that you're taking. That's something I'm constantly working. I'm constantly trying to balance between, um, blanket like I'm always going to give you praise for everything. My son always always is a heartbeat on my. I'm a wife and said, mom, you just tell me I'm good at everything. Like stop, like, you know, but you can see where it's like that. Like you were saying, it's just a blanket, like everything you do is wonderful and I'm so grateful for that. Versus that was tough or difficult. Or you spend a lot of time on that. Like good job. Like let's, let's keep moving. Like there's a difference and I have a hard time with the ladder.

Ransom: 00:15:59 Yeah. You know, and in today's society and age, again, not to rag on millennials or whatever the case might be, that's just other nurtured and fed it. And that's just part of their beam. Now if you are out there working with a lot of millennials and generation x, we kind of fall into that category too. I mean they either feel like they have so much on their plate or they actually do have so much on their plate. So you know, the little just the little things, you know, anyone who's been on a longterm marriage or long term relationship, you know, it's the little things that count. It's all those little things that add up to something that's bigger and that's kind of kind of the moral of those situations in that story. 100 things go right every day they use brush off and forget about.

Ransom: 00:16:45 Okay. And I guess the next part of this first section here in handling people is basically about creating like an eager want. So I know it sounds a little bit, uh, I guess simple, but it's Kinda hard to do. Like in general, the whole idea behind creating an eco one. Uh, one of the strategies of books talks about is actually letting the other person kind of come up with an idea. Like if Tyson and I are working on something and I kind of have an idea and I want Tyson to be a little bit more creative. Sorry, I'm using this example be right. Are you trying to create something in me now?

Ransom: 00:17:29 But what the book suggests is now let's just say I have an idea to um, come up with a new episode and I'm like, I kinda want taste since it'd be on board within. I kind of want to tysons buy in on it. So rather than me just sitting here dictating, Hey Tyson, for this next episode, this is what I want us to do. Like I can kind of spark an interest in, but like, Hey Tyson, you know, what do you, what do you think about the next episode? And I can just kind of throw things into there. So like this is a good example. So for the next episode I was actually thinking about doing something like a mind trick and I was like Tyson, other, what do you think about like if we work on something to do with the mind for next episode and then from there, what was your response to that? Tyson sounds interesting. Let's go. Great. And then from there, like I think it is a further. I was like, so what kinds of things did you think about? It is like, I know you heard her talking about the gambler or CNC. Again, this kind of takes research on my part, right? To kind of know what Tyson's was interested in. I was like, what about the Gambler's fallacy? I know you like that. And then what was the response? Tyson?

Tyson: 00:18:41 Yeah.

Ransom: 00:18:42 Well not only that, Tyson gets excited about it or write he now he's eager to do the episode and then from there he starts giving me other things that are related to the mind that he actually wanted to talk about that because we have history. I kind of want to talk about too. So now this becomes a collaborative effort where Tyson has buying and not only that, he also has input in on the situation versus me just come in and be like, hey, you know what Tyson next week episode we're going to do a what you should know about the mind and that's it. But you know, just meeting an eager want in somebody else, especially when you're working together towards something like it makes things so much better.

Tyson: 00:19:26 It's funny. This is one of those things where like Jocko willink talks about in his books and his podcasts and stuff, he talks about getting your team on board and making it feel like it's their idea of questioning them, giving the state and then what happens is they take ownership of it. Like, like how you're doing with this example. You know, I started bringing ideas and bringing stuff in. It's like then it just feel like something I created and I want to take ownership of it and I want to make it as best as we can make it. Versus well, if I just give the mental effort to satisfy ransom, then we should be fine. And it was a huge difference in not only the outcome, but the morale and the product that you're going to create a team.

Ransom: 00:20:05 Yeah. So definitely that's this. So these are all the strategies. If you can kinda just put this down together, um, you know, don't criticize people. Again, this just goes off of you don't want to start your conversation out with negative things, you know what I mean, and then have appreciation for the other person and basically try to create an eager want, ready, try to get them to motivate either themselves or try to create a motivational force within the other person. And then these are all things, you know, when you combine the three of these together, like the Tri Force, um, you know, this is probably the best way to get people to either work alongside and, or give you your inputs and slash or began a tough conversation. If you start with these, these three things and you do them well, you know, then, then that will prep you for the next.

Ransom: 00:21:01 The next question in the book, I guess is good guy, a good flow and a good setup. It's not, it's not bouncing around like some other folks we reviewed it, bounced from idea to idea and done the list is very well. And that's I thing that's the thing that I kind of really, uh, resonated with with this book is it started off as a class and then it became the textbook for the class and then it became something for us to read and learn on our own. I think that's why it's got a really nice, well thought out flow in a lot of these constantly been flushed out and tested. And again, like I said, when they write their new books and get their new material on there, then they just keep adding and building upon it, which is actually awesome. So anything else on a section now?

Ransom: 00:21:50 I think that was good, man. That's good for me. So part two is six ways to make people like you, and I know this sounds weird, but give it a second and then we'll, we'll walk through it and it's like said, it's more about people liking is, it's more, it's more than, it's more than that superficial kind of. This book is more about like a win win situation. This book is more about how to meet people halfway kind of thing. So this isn't like six gimmicks, you know what I mean? To sit there because the things that we're going to talk about in this section, I mean some of them are superficial but for the most part it actually revolves around you doing some research for the first one is be interested in people. Right? You can't fake that if you fake this part of it being interested.

Ransom: 00:22:42 Oh Hey Tyson, what do you know? I saw your post and like you actually know nothing about his posts and you just want to make small talk and conversation like that will also be termed a person off. I get those kind of messages every day like Oh my responses. What do you. I don't want to be your friend that you don't. You absolutely not. What do you want later? It's like have you seen this thing? I want to pitch you this thing. And it's like, why? Why? Why are you lying? Like, just stop. I know you're full of shit, but you know, I mean on this part it's like, you know, basically take an interest in people. Again, going back to the example of that I had in a previous life, I was thinking of something about a new episode and Tyson was interested in something like that research on my part and actually sit down and get that information out of them or at least pose the question, be really interested in and knowing the questions that you ask people you know and how you ask them can actually spark interest in them.

Ransom: 00:23:46 No. So just kind of be thoughtful. I mean at first you're going to have to have some blanket responses, but you've kind of got to the testes responses out and again, just like the appreciation thing make, make the interests in the person genuine and you know, do some research. Make it specific about math person. It's gonna. Have some memory space up here, you know, um, for those of you, I'd like to take notes. You know what, if you know what that person's interested in, take notes. I remember in the class, well not classes, but one of the seminars I went to is when I meet with people to do listing appointments, like I just had this small little questionnaire that I give to them, you know, and it has like, what's your birthday, who's your favorite music artists or what your favorite restaurants. And it's just kinda like a quick way to have them, you know, again, engages the other person to get an eager want and then from there they can write down their interest.

Ransom: 00:24:43 So that way when the real estate transaction goes through or over, it's like I can get to them on their anniversary because I actually have notes on it and I mean I can actually get back to them on their birthday or you know, I remember I put little things in my calendar and it's like, oh, it's been one month. It's been three months since our sale to touch basis with these people. Instead of just saying, hi, this is around some of your notes or do you need anything? You have that interest down so you can kind of say, hey, you know what? I was thinking I stopped by your favorite restaurant the other day. I was thinking of you. Here's a, here's a $25 gift card and you can mail it to them. Like just doing those kinds of things. Actually being interested in creating a general interest in people is, is what helps people gravitate together. Yeah.

Tyson: 00:25:30 There's a good story. I heard on Bill Clinton. People always talk about him and how charismatic he is and how, how likable is somebody is. And this Guy Jim Kwik had asked him, well, why? What is it about? Like, what is it, you know, he's like, I listened. I just, I, I, I listen to what you're saying and I'm, I'm all in and I'm engaged with you. And know what people have said is when you're talking to him, it doesn't matter who you are. Even if the, you know, every other more, more important person is next to you or behind you or whatever. He is 100 percent locked in and focused on you and what you're saying. And it said, um, that you can run into him years later and he'd be like, hey, how's your dog? Last time I talked to you two years ago, it was, you were going to have surgery on that, that cancer thing.

Tyson: 00:26:19 Did that work out okay? And then people are like, it's like, how to a on a nobody, how do you remember me? But you know, beyond that, the level of respect and admiration and stuff you're going to have for this person is just going to skyrocket. Then you can be that person, like a ransom was saying, being interested in other person and you don't have to. I'm going to take the other approach here. You don't have to have any knowledge. Anybody you can meet somebody say you're at or whatever, a dinner party or at a conference, just listen to what they say and just ask him, you know, like I was, be interested in. You're working on. Most people will just start going off on whole thing and you don't have to say a Goddamn word. And was just missing. And tell me more about that.

Tyson: 00:27:02 Oh, that's interesting. What got you into that? You know how there are superficial questions per se, but the invoke more conversation, another person and when you're done being gonna, be like, man, you're so great to talk to you. I haven't said a damn word, but all your secrets. She doesn't necessarily bottom and give it all. I don't give a shit, but we met. If I give all this away now we all can have way better conversations, but I've taught. When I learned this, I talk to people like this. I'm like, no way. That's doesn't work. Sure enough, I've had hours of long conversations. I barely said anything like, man, please thank you so much. It's great talking to you. I was like, no, but it's funny, but not only that, with the other person be come now, become interested in you and want to talk to you more.

Tyson: 00:27:48 You're going to have a lot of information that is pushing the ability to know what they're struggling with or what they're working on and you're gonna be able to come and, hey everyone. We were talking the other night and you had this problem with x. I came across this thing, here it is for you. Here's, here's bill. Bill's an expert in this. He's a friend of mine who had a problem as I knew that I'm going to meet you guys up. You guys should be able to work this right out and you're just going to become this hero. No, no, but that just a small thing of being interested in somebody else. They're gonna open up this line of communication. They're gonna like, you know, when you talked to them about something and if you're doing this fake, it's not going to work because people are going to catch on that. But when you wanted to hate ransom, um, you know, remember we're talking about this thing. I got to say, maybe we should work on this part. And it's like, oh yeah, you know what, I will, I will help you. I will your, you've helped me with some things and it's just going to be a natural thing that happens within your folks relationship.

Ransom: 00:28:45 Cool. Alright. Then I guess the next thing we got on the list here is to smile, but this one is kind of one of the more superficial ones. I mean, it can, it, I mean, it is, I mean, don't, don't get me wrong if it takes more muscles in your face to frown than it does to smile. So you're actually going with the lighter of the two buts it is. It is found that, you know, smiling, I guess for most animals in the animal kingdom, showing your teeth is a sign of aggression. But um, you know, for humans smiling, it just brings a more positive experience. Again, we're working on the whole thing about being appreciative and grateful and positive. So adding to all of these things is adding a smile and they don't really talk about smiling as in like when you meet a person or when you're face timing them or whatever the case might be.

Ransom: 00:29:39 But even when you're talking to somebody on the phone, even when they're not generally like in front of you. I mean like if I go off to the side and I talk like this big, you can't really see my face, but you know that I'm frowning versus when I talk like this, know. I mean you can hear the smile in my voice even though you can't really see my face then, you know. But anyway, it's just, you know, you kind of have to adopt and incorporate these things into your practices as far as when you communicate with people. Smiling is one of those things that brightens other person, what they see on the other side. But it also makes you feel better as a person as well too. So there's some kind of psychological physiological thing that goes out with a smile.

Tyson: 00:30:27 There is a lot of psychological chemical reactions that happen in the body. This is one, if you're not that type of person at the moment or whether you're introverted or shy or whatever it is, you're, whatever things you were working through at the moment. This is something you can, you can fake it first in know your mind will go. We'll follow your body. So if you can just, hey, and you start to get used to that and smile more and smile more, your mind is going to start to catch up with that and you're going to start to get it and it's going to become more natural and people are going to become more approachable. Um, you're going to be less threatening when people see you and they're gonna be able to come up to you with questions, whether it's, you know, hey, do you know where the nearest Mcdonald's is versus, or, you know, hey, I'm having problems with this project or we're having problems on the floor with this machine. Can you come and they come to you with these, these things and you're gonna be able to have a better working relationship, a better work environment and culture and whatnot at work or just life in general.

Ransom: 00:31:31 Yeah. And then, um, you know, again, I've had a chance to listen to the newer version of the book, right? I'm influencing people in the digital age. And they actually did a survey. So they went on facebook and they took all the photos of people, photos of people who are smiling and their photos versus the people who are frowning and their photos and they kind of like pin them up on this board to kind of see the circle of influence. They found that the people who are smiling or more towards the center of a large different groups of people, not the people that were actually frowning. We're on the outskirts of all of these things and this is kind of like. It's so interesting. Just something as simple as that. And this is posted all over facebook. It's social media. It's out there for the public to see in this. Like the people who were smiling, they had more friends, right? Because they were in the center of all of these different circles of friends versus the people who are frowning. They were on the outskirts. It didn't have as many friends as the people who smiled in pictures and. Interesting.

Tyson: 00:32:35 That's interesting. Whole host

Ransom: 00:32:40 of other problems, you know, through the router. I mean it probably leads to loneliness and maybe even depression and who knows? All the other things that just leads, I mean possibly, but I mean I don't know if you've ever, I don't know, for me, I just think of that movie, what women want or whatever, but um, you know, that girl who always never smiles in the office where she puts her head down on myself and I was like, you know, I don't know if she was actually going to kill herself, but she called in sick one day and the guy's like, oh, something's wrong with her. Like you just, you just kinda think about it. It's like how many people do you pass it everyday? I work in healthcare and it's like I see staff members and I also see patients. I also see family members of patients come in through the hospital and it's like you always see that, like they just looking down and they just walk right past you.

Ransom: 00:33:31 Like they don't want any type of interaction, like amazing. If you just look at them and you smile, even if they don't look back or wave back anything again, you can sense just in a way that I'm talking that I'm smiling. So they can hear it and it's like, I welcome, you know, welcome to the hospital high and it's just like you just see them like look up at you and then you'll see them smile back. It's amazing. It's like this person who all of a sudden it was just focused on the ground and just wanted to keep to themselves and you can tell by their body language if they're just all closed up just by looking at them and smiling, looking into their eyes and being like, hey, hello, hi, good morning or afternoon or whatever the case might be. Like you can see the change in them like instantly. It's amazing.

Ransom: 00:34:13 Those things rub off. The negativity could rub off on everybody and soak into positivity who's just to choose which one you're going to present, think is where it's at and don't let people know. People are going to look at you weird sometimes, you know, just just get to go in. Sometimes I just do silly things are emotions and this just to make somebody laugh. Like I don't really care if they think I'm a clown. Just hey, they're smiling now. I did my job. It's. It's funny. Anyway, what's next on the list? Oh, go ahead. Names. I mean it's the sweetest sound to the human ears. Yearning, name, ransom, but I mean you can go with your name. I mean, I can call you anything if you want your name, your name is. That's being responsive from the moment you were born. Yeah. I was calling tituss name when he was in the womb. We had picked out months in advance and every time I talk to talk to the belly, that's what I said. A lot of times that's how we know that parents have the child's name. You're spending it as the first thing they learn is everything and it's just the sweetest sound to your ears and knowing somebody else's name in, especially if you've never really met them or you just met them once or twice. That's the worst thing that you're making.

Tyson: 00:35:39 Know I am so guilty of this. I get those text messages just sometimes I know that is something that can give you leg up. Not only, not only knowing their name, knowing the correct pronunciation of your name. Some people get mad and not even just that. I've heard several stories about people like, this is one, I think it was a doctor, a scientist or whatever, or maybe as a banker, I forget what it was. Anyway, he does like really, you know, or whatever. And everybody was just like, I'm not even going to try with was called Mr. whatever his name was and this guy was like, no, hell no, I don't play that. I'm going to figure out this guys. I'm going to learn his name. And he got on the phone, say hi Mr. whatever his name was, and he was like, nobody has ever called me my name.

Tyson: 00:36:40 He's like, he's a. and he was so floored as a thank you for learning my name and saying it's like I. He was an immigrant to this country for the 30 years I've been in this country. Nobody's ever even attempted to give a shit about, oh my name was nice. And then that was a leg up into the deal. He wound up getting. He was getting favorable terms or favorite deal, whatever it is, whatever it was, but that's just soldiered on. Important. I think about when people call you, not by your name, especially a version of you just dislike. No, that's just the worst. You're just. You don't even want to talk. This airs, this fucker. Again, it calls me that got them wrong name all the time. It could be the greatest person ever and they could. They could. They could absolutely change your life or help your job or whatever it is, but you're not going to give them a time of day because they can't even bother to learn your name or pronounce it correctly or whatever it is. There's lots of different tricks and techniques for learning people's names. Jim Quick, I'll link to him. He's a, he's one of the foremost experts on learning people's names and there's tons of different techniques and tricks.

Ransom: 00:37:38 I took a memory class one time about how to do it as basically you kinda just look at their face and then like, I know it sounds kind of weird, but you just kinda like picture something on their forehead or whatever the case might be like for Tyson, like it's pretty common name. So I just right now it feels you. Who Don't know Tyson's name. Everybody forgets Tyson's name real quick. It's not important. Trust me, I've forgotten in many times. He's not mad at me, but um, you know what I mean? You just, you just know that you don't know his name. I'm gonna. I'm gonna. Do this. There's just picture a bag of Tyson's chicken on the top of his head. The Tyson's chicken, right? Right on the top of it. It's kind of shiny. Just cover it with some Tyson's chicken right now. Every time you look at him, you're going to see this bag of Tyson's chicken over his head. Chances are you're probably gonna. Remember his name?

Tyson: 00:38:30 I don't know. I prefer the boxer, but we can go with the chicken. But uh, you, what I'm saying like if you can kind of come up with,

Ransom: 00:38:36 with those like ransoms of different name, maybe you can picture somebody running and then like a sum of money or something or no, whatever, whatever the case might be, but you know, common names that you can relate to and, or pictures or faces this kind of how our memory works. So just kinda think of them, you know, whatever, whatever comes to mind. Pictures, you know, pictures worth a thousand words. So anyway,

Tyson: 00:39:04 just, so that's a good one. Also one that I like is using their name again in the first few moments of meeting them. Like, oh, how you doing? Oh, ransom, ransom. It's great to meet you. What do you do? Like what are you up to? Like us on something, like it's great to meet you. I hope we run into again, I mean don't make it sound like robotic, but if you did that, oftentimes it'll help. I'm knocked that in. Another one too similar to a ransom said that I liked too is a picturing yourself like writing their name on their forehead. Yeah, our mind works in pictures of you can picture yourself writing ransom on his forehead. That's another way. There's lots of techniques if you're interested. I unfortunately, when I was younger trained myself to not give a shit about other people's name because I figured I used to think there only so much room in my brain for information and a person that I met for 10 seconds didn't warrant a space in my brain. I know not, not, not, not be true, but unfortunately I do conditioned myself to not re purposing, not remembering people's names and I've had to spend a lot of time and energy. Um,

Ransom: 00:40:15 and again, this can kind of relate back to the whole thing about the first topic. We talked about his interest in people now. So I will text and saying, um, you know, if you can't always get their name or whatever the case might be. Sometimes learning something about them, like you'll remember ransom as the doctor, right? Like, Oh yeah, he's a doctor or whatever and blah blah blah, blah, whatever. And that'll kind of help you, you know, especially in the professional realms that I mean, oh, who's that pilot guy or who's that? Dr. Oh, ransom. Yeah. Yeah. It's like, I mean you can kind of go around there sometimes it's good to put like a face with the name and, or something about them, you know what I mean? If you remember that they're a doctor, they like to play golf, you know, these kinds of things kind of help you. And it started a little bit more about the person. Some kind of good tricks to kind of know, like what do they do, what's the, what are their social activities like so that you can kind of, if you don't always know their name, you can just approach them big, hey, how's that golf swing? And I just kinda get in there. So yes. Um, you know, names are tricky to remember. You need a lot of memory space and it is a skill that you do have some practice, but now get out there.

Tyson: 00:41:28 Once you get it going, it's not hard to, you'll get good at it. But that leads into, the next section is listening.

Ransom: 00:41:36 I'm sorry, what? Oh, okay. Okay. I wasn't listening the first time.

Speaker 3: 00:41:46 Exactly. Most of us aren't, but that if you're, if you're, if you're a, you're, you're ready for a name and you're listening to the person's age are generally interested. I got to capture this name. I've got a few seconds to hear it and then capture that and then repeat it and then go through and ask that. You know, you guys are talking asking questions and you're listening to what they're saying, not just waiting for your turn. Then you're going to, you're able to say, yeah, ransom. Yeah, I, I remember him. He enjoyed, he enjoyed golf. I think he was a real attorney. Some other things. Yeah, that's really great. And it's like you talked to him for four minutes, like how did you get all that? So listen to what the fuck he told me, you know, and I'm able to recall that it doesn't know. The more you use your brain, the more you use these skills, the more space, the more capacity you're gonna to happen.

Ransom: 00:42:32 And it definitely like this book gets into that, it's like most people are just, you know, like Tyson said, everybody wants to hear their name, it's all about them and it's just kinda like when you're in here, again, this book is about winning friends and influencing people. So you kinda have to kind of give up a little bit of yourself and take a moment to not sit there and just let the whole conversation being bob, you take a moment to. I mean as a person's talking, don't just wait for them to pause. Like you're not really listening, you're just waiting for them to pause so you can interrupt them and talk about yourself. Like you actually got to take this time to actually listen to what they're saying. And from there, when you listening to what they're saying, then you can kind of have a nice red bottle per se.

Ransom: 00:43:15 Not that, not that we're arguing, but you can have something that's in response to what they're saying or whatever. I'll follow up question or something that you. You asked them what they were interested in. For some reason you have a similar interest or you heard a little bit about that topic from somewhere you want clarification. Um, you know, those kinds of things are all, all out there. I'm being in Hawaii, um, we can kind of get away with like, where did you grow up or what high school did you go to? Um, you know, and those kind of help open up things. What year did you graduate? So that way you can kind of know, you know, what generation they're in or they're close to you in age. Um, I don't know if that works so much on the mainland or in other parts, but in Hawaii it's a small, it's a small place, you know, we all, if we all grew up here and it's like, oh, you grew up here, like, oh, what high school did you go to?

Ransom: 00:44:10 And they know it'll give you some kind of common ground. And that's again, this book is about meeting people half way, getting a win win situation. You know, you're trying to find common ground with this person. They're talking about something that you're not interested in, but they're interested in. Sure listened to what they have to say, but then you can kind of try to gear the conversation or, or goal towards something that you're interested in, not because you're being selfish, but you're going to remember something that you're interested in far better than something that you have no interest in. What was that realtor around some Diana? I don't know. It was just talking about some weird stuff like monsters in his pocket or something. It's like, it's like, you know, if the other person's, if you're not interested in what the other person's interested in, the chances are you may forget that conversation. So if you can kind of steer the conversation towards something that you're interested in and that you have a common ground, the launches that you're going to remember that conversation or higher. Yeah.

Tyson: 00:45:11 Yeah. And then it goes. This leads down into the next part, which is other other person's interests. Here we go. So you'll walk up, you're smiling. Hey, how you doing? What's your name? I'm ransom. That's great. Good to meet you. Ransom. Um, what, what, what, what, what are you into now? I'm going to say that's interesting. I don't know that much about real estate. Like what, what got you into that whole thing is, oh, what? Like what? Tell me more about that. That's interesting. I didn't know anything about it. Maybe I could give a shit less about it but about real estate. But I can see ransoms absolutely passionate about real estate. And through that conversation I might find something that, you know what? I used to go to school down that road and in fact my, my, my, my grandparents still live down there.

Tyson: 00:46:04 Did you know that house or what? You're going to find something through there and the rest is so much more willing to talk with you and, and, and do, do business and be favorable to you because you are interested in what that he's interested in and you're gonna find the same as great to talk to. We had a couple of common interests. He was so interested in what I'm up to, what I had to do and most people think this is boring as shit. Like that was, that was a really great person to hang out with. I wouldn't mind talking to them a little bit more

Ransom: 00:46:33 and then that's just that just again, all comes back to you know, you, you kind of want this interaction or this conversation to go in the fact that you know, you, I guess a can remember them, right? You want something to remember them by. Right. But at the same time you also want them to feel like this interaction was important to them and then that's just kind of know this whole thing. And then even the last thing I guess we can kind of blend these two together is making the other person feel important symbol by listening to what their interests and letting them talk. Sure. You know, for somebody who, some of us a type personalities out there who have to kind of control everything, control how the conversation's going to go. I definitely found it. If you're trying to win somebody friendship, you don't start by, you know, just whipping out and make me have a bigger one. It's just like kind of let things kind of unfold. And then just kinda see how things go. So for most people have the tendency in a conversation is to talk about themselves and so on and off. I mean occasionally you'll have the person who's timid and shy, but just imagine if the other person is a timid and shy person and you actually let them talk for once, like they're definitely going to remember who you are, to be allowed them to talk and listen to what they have to say. No,

Tyson: 00:48:04 they probably don't feel important at all because nobody listened to their ideas. Nobody gives them an opportunity to speak. They don't speak up for themselves to begin with. And you're gonna, you're gonna go and you're gonna. Make this person feel important. They're going like, that guy's boss. Never talked to a boss like that before. Like he knows my name. He was really interested what I had to say. Like I like working here. It's just he smile, he's got a gap in his teeth, but at least he's smiling. You know, this was like, this is one of the tricks I used to use, and I hate to say that word, but the techniques I used to do, especially in the army, there's a lot of guys who has no army that. I'm sorry, go ahead. I used to be in sales too, so. Exactly. But to me the greatest example I, I could, I, I've, I've gained from this was, was when I was in the army, I would go purposely find the guys are doing the shit jobs going a totem pole, go, you know, talk with them, show my appreciation for them, give them a hand, you know, hey, we've got some guys know myself and some other guys.

Tyson: 00:49:14 We've got some downtime. Looks like you guys down here struggling, you know, you mind if we come down and give you guys a handling. Yeah, that'd be great. Nobody's ever come down here and told us that like, you know, and then you know, build those relationships. You know, especially through that way making these guys will important these guys at all. You're just a Janet or you're slipping, you're a cook, you're just the whatever, like whatever. I'm way more important. I got better shit to do. Like we're up in the building. Like we got stuff to do, like going down there and talk to those guys for just a few minutes. Building those relations with them when, when, when I need to shit, you know, to get done either from myself or from for my team or whatever it was. I knew I could go down and see like, Hey, I know it's a whole long process to get this thing out of supply.

Tyson: 00:49:56 You think we can. Don't worry about tasting. You always helped me out. You're always interested in what I'm doing. You're always down here. He always polite, like nowhere out. I'll take care of you. You know, and those, those are the things that happened and build those relationships. And when we needed stuff they knew who to come see the texting go. Can we go down and knock a couple of your connections to get this stuff handled? Yeah, no problem. You'll get extra time to see these guys, to say hi to the janitor to talk to this. You know, the lunch later, whatever it is, all these different things. You're gonna, you're gonna go and you're going to see like when I, when I worked at the car, I'll go talk with the mechanics. I go talk with the service people.

Speaker 3: 00:50:28 Like, what are you doing over here in sales? Like, yeah, what's going on? What are you guys seeing in here? What's going on? How's your day going? You know, everybody treating okayness like when I need something like, Hey, I got this problem with my customer. Either worry, we'll take care of it. Because you've built these relationships and maintenance people a lot of times is people down along the totem pole. People just walk right over and they walk right through it and they walk right past them everyday and they're like, fuck man, I'm just nobody here. You know? And you start to make them feel important. Even if it's just to you and it's just a one on one relationship, you're gonna, you're gonna. Build something. You're never gonna know when you're going to need.

Ransom: 00:51:02 Yeah, and that also goes to fold. It's not only for me, I see that interaction is not only so that you can count on time, but again, you gotta to pay attention with Tyson saying he's building relationships. That's the key thing. He's building something and on top of that, when you make somebody else feel important, that person can now build themselves up as well. You know what it's like, you'll, you'll find out that as, as you build other people up, as they gain more confidence in themselves and then they now become something like, you know, that person will thank you later on and say hey, and you know, I remember when I was just the janitor, you know, and like you would always come by and say hi to me, and then you know, now that person builds them up. He's like, well now I'm the CEO of the company. It's like, hey man, good for you. You know, I'm glad I was there, but you know, I was glad I was there to help you. Again, it's about building a relationship. It's not about building a connection so you can get something into, yeah, that's a perk, but you're building a relationship with this person and ultimately you're trying to build this person. You need to become something better and that's again, these are kind of the themes of the books as they go along and that's, that's what they're all about. Sure.

Speaker 3: 00:52:18 So keeping on holly ransom said there, if you're doing this for your benefit too, I'm going to work this so I can get something in a couple of weeks. It's bullshit and it will not last and will not get it and you're just gonna burn this stuff. Got You. CanNot it cannot be for your game. CanNot be with the intention of I'm going to work this so I can get from you. It doesn't work that way. It has to come from a place of appreciation,

Ransom: 00:52:41 gratitude and abundance and also where you're actually truly giving out because the second that you're there to take something, people want to sniff that from a mile away. Everybody and everybody out there is out to get something and can see it. You know what I mean? It's like you can see that coming from a mile away,

Speaker 3: 00:53:00 once you get labeled that it's hard, hard, hard, hard to ever get back from there. Yeah, definitely. We all have those friends or family, whoever it is like, ah, I know why you're hitting me up right now. I know exactly what you need or want. Like it's always the same thing. Avoid that. The next section is. I'm sorry, I was unprepared for that, so. Okay. We got a handy dandy notebook, my handy dandy notebook here. How to win people to your way of thinking. One of those. That's the thing about this book that's at first glance, it's so misleading like that there's a lot, lot of things that you're like manipulate you into my airways.

Ransom: 00:53:44 Sure. That, you know, the sales people have an editing. Had A, had a hand in how that was

Speaker 3: 00:53:51 you gotta wonder in the thirties. I don't know. I wonder if people. Yeah.

Ransom: 00:53:57 Yeah. And the true. Yeah. And the thirties people were a lot more, you know, the world was a lot smaller so there were a lot smaller circles. Um, there weren't as many, I guess facets and we didn't have the worldwide Internet to kind of get out there and reach people in that way, so possibly, possibly, but again, this is not for petty tricks and for self enjoyment, this is again, how to build something and basically just how to help people kind of see things in your perspective so that you guys can work together towards something. I think that's, uh, that's probably a better caveat on what the next section is about. But anyway, I digress. But number one, let's avoid arguments. Let's not argue about this anymore.

Speaker 3: 00:54:45 No, this is one of those. This, another one of my. I got a hot. I got a hard time with this. It's so hard to just, I will not better now than I definitely used to be, but it's so hard to listen to somebody say or do something that's completely wrong or stupid or whatever. And it's saying, listen, come here. You dumb ass mother fucker. Let me explain this to you real quick. That's just the greatest way to stop a conversation. Let me tell you,

Ransom: 00:55:15 yes, this kind of ties into the whole thing in the beginning about don't criticize anytime you criticize somebody for something that they're doing, anytime you have an, a brusk approach, more kind of argumentative or defensive stance. I mean, against what somebody's saying and it just Kinda, oh yeah. [inaudible], like even your body language can just Kinda tell you this, you know, those types of things will always, you'll always get resistance. More than likely you'll get resistance. And if you don't get resistance, be careful because that person might know how to flip the script on you pretty quick. I'm just kind of be around that. But, and, and uh, now that I'm thinking about it, one of the stories and the books actually comes to mind there is Dale Carnegie and this other person who, who knows Shakespeare really well, they were at and um, they were guests at this guy's house and this guy was making quotes or whatever, and Dell Carnegie wanted to just jump in and correct and real quick.

Ransom: 00:56:29 He's like, no, I think you might be mistaken. I believe that quote was from Shakespeare. Not the Bible. Then this argument went on for a little bit and then Dale Carnegie looked at his friend and he's like, Mr so and so an expert in Shakespeare, would you please enlightened our hosts about the correctness of what he said, and then his friend looked at him and he's like, no, Dale. He is absolutely correct. That quote is from the Bible, and they just kinda ended the argument there. Then after the party was over, like I was like, dude, why didn't you correct that guy? Like you knew that that was from Shakespeare. That wasn't from the Bible. And then he looked at, he was like, we were guests at this man's house. He was throwing an events. You know what I mean? It's like we're not here to argue or whatever, like, you know, we're just this.

Ransom: 00:57:23 Let him, let him steal the show, let him have his thing. Who cares if the information is incorrect? And Dale Carnegie actually learned something from that. He's like, you know, sometimes it's better to just not argue with somebody if they're wrong, just let them be wrong. You know, it's okay. I mean, granted, if you're somebody's manager or Boston, they're doing something that's wrong and they're arguing their own point on something that could actually endanger somebody else or something like that, that absolutely needs to be corrected. There's no room for argument, but you know, if it's just casual conversation or if we're just talking about things and people are trying to puff their chests up, whatever the case may be, don't criticize them, don't, don't get into conflict with them. Just kind of let them have their moment, let them have their spotlight and I'm sure they will. Thank you for that later. Again, kind of make them feel important and that's something I learned.

Ransom: 00:58:18 I would get their feedback afterwards and like Tyson, right. Would you look like a fucking asshole? Yeah. And that's often the case. Even if you're spitting truth, like the truth is a hard pill to swallow regardless of, you know, again, you have to kind of be tactful in how you say it and the timing of how you say it for criticizing people and getting into arguments is, uh, is not, uh, is not a real good way to win friends and we don't sit there and be, you know, privy to it and get into sucked into what they're trying to do a head or say that takes another skill. But at the same time, no, I'm just be mindful of their opinions. That's just kinda the next one. And we'll people's opinions. You gotta let them have their opinion, right? Don't criticize their opinion, you know, don't argue against their opinion in some cases, even if it's factual information, it's not ventured mental to anybody. It's not hurting anybody or wrong, you know, because I work in the medical profession, right? Do No harm. I mean if what they're doing and, or same or the treatment and providing is harming the patient and yet you've got to go and step in. If it's just, hey, this treatment may work or this, this approach may work to therapy for the, for the thing. I don't sit there and argue with them. It was like, okay, I'm all right.

Speaker 3: 00:59:39 I'll listen to what you have to say. No, but there's tactful ways I've learned to Kinda, um, get them to maybe particularly what they're saying. And then even maybe having a point where you can start to sort of interject your thing. You can do something along the lines of where, where did you learn that from? Like you tell me more about that. I've never heard that perspective before and like, I'm interested in that, but it's got to be a genuine, not some condescending asshole, you know, kind of thing. Like, Oh yeah, we'll you get that from, you know, it's got to be like, I've never heard that opinion. Could you explain that to me? I'm interested in, I have a different opinion. I like to hear yours and let them start talking about it. You know, I've never, I've never read that, but I seen this other thing I was reading.

Speaker 3: 01:00:22 I don't know if you're aware of this and you can really talk through this and in a non in a lot of times you can get the other person to kind of open up and say, wow, you know, I didn't realize that the earth wasn't flat. The things I was reading was saying, you know, you know, you can really start to go down that you're saying in just the casualness of like, I never realized the earth was flat, you know, I always say the things I was reading was saying something else. So like, but what you're saying, I don't know, tell me more about that. Because I say, well, what about this thing? And then what do you know? What about that? And you guys to have a conversation. It's hard. I'll tell you right now, I'm to have our conversation when you know the other person is wrong, right? Utterly wrong. Especially when there so often left field. You're like, who told you that fucking nonsense,

Ransom: 01:01:19 but you know, at the same time, again, this book is about meeting people halfway and about building. Yeah. You have to sit there and build this. You can't just stand there and just let it and I mean don't get me wrong, if there's a toxic person in your life, you need to get rid of that quickly, you know, but at the same time, you know, when you're just meeting somebody and you don't really know if they're toxic or not, I get like try and build that relationship, right? Because you never know where that may go. That might, who knows, that person might just be feeding you all this bullshit just to see if you're full of shit. And then like at the end of the conversation is like, Nah man, just fucking with you man. But you know, I really appreciate the way you handled that conversation. Yeah.

Speaker 3: 01:02:01 Do you compose yourself and you're handed yourself? That was good.

Ransom: 01:02:04 You never know. Somebody just like, Whoa, Whoa, whoa. You just flip the script. Like holy Shit, like

Speaker 3: 01:02:09 we never know a hard, hard time last night and exercising this thing. There was a incident happened to one of the teachers at acro and then these other people are talking about it.

Ransom: 01:02:24 I'm just sitting there. I'm like, fuck, you guys are just Maura. They might be watching this right now,

Speaker 3: 01:02:37 sitting there and being quiet and listening and I'm like, you know what, you guys are young. You don't know if you guys have different things. And I just started like thinking, like kind of talking myself down like, Hey, I get, I get how you guys couldn't be upset about something you guys probably don't know about the odds of failure and um, you know, things happen all the time that they'll never go the way we think. And it's like I started thinking of all these different things just like, okay, I see how you guys could get to where you're at, but, you know, I don't know. I could have easily been like listening. Okay, timeout. Everybody shut the fuck up. You guys are so God damn thumb. Let me explain to you like a probability of these things going wrong and the likelihood of these, like I could have just went down this whole thing and I would have just been completely absolutely correct because Jack fuck ever especially, there's a few people there I'd never met before. Every fucking retarded is, but I don't like him, you know, so it's, it's, it's very hard and it's very interesting.

Ransom: 01:03:39 Um, just sit there and just be quiet and just nod your head and go. Yeah. And sometimes in doing that, like you actually learned something. Yeah. You know, the argument of basis behind our opinion is incorrect. But I'm sure there may be some points of the argument argument that have validity cannot take an interest in somebody see their perspective. These are all things, you know, it's not always about what they're saying. It's about like slipped to the conversation. You can definitely learn something.

Speaker 3: 01:04:15 That's kind of what I was like, wow. It's interesting what you guys feel like, you know, these things kind of just don't happen. And your view of the world, you're, you're, you guys are y'all here. You guys do the road is very small and this is very interesting for me to see.

Ransom: 01:04:31 Yeah. And then just come from that perspective. Yes. We can get into the next section here. It's not always about being right or wrong. So what if the other person's wrong? You know, it's just like, it's okay, you don't gotta call them out saying saying that your wrong has a lot better approach than, you know what I mean, calling you out and saying your wrong. So just, just Kinda, you know, just take time. If there's something that you did in error, go ahead and call that out. Be Genuine. Hey, you know what, something happened. I was wrong about it. Sorry. And you know what I mean? And hopefully with that kind of attitude, if the other person is really sincere, really sees your point of Indian, they can say, oh, you know what, that whole conversation we had. I'm sorry, be tackled. It doesn't, it doesn't feel good when you cut people's opinions off, argue with them, criticize them or when you tell them that they're wrong, like lead them along with that.

Speaker 3: 01:05:29 No, what I'm saying, there's some good stories in here. Um, I don't know if you read this section in the new version, but I liked the stories and they just come straight up like listening. I thought, Oh my God, I'm so sorry. The other guys like, oh, don't worry about it. No, nope, nope. That was in your position. I was so mad at me and I'm just a moron. I can't believe I goofed it up. I'm so sorry that got other guys like listen. But no, it wasn't that big of a deal. No, it was a big deal and I'm so sorry. I can't believe such wonder it happened and you just really just diffused the entire situation. Another person will jump on and start like, like, listen buddy. No, no, it's fine. You're okay. Like, it's funny how you use when you come across it like that, they'll start defending, you know, depending, you know, we, I make mistakes all the time. No, you're fine. You're like, nope, nope, nope. I'm an idiot. And they come to your defense. It's. And it really just diffused the situation. It turns right around and

Ransom: 01:06:20 yeah, it does. But then there's also, I guess in my career in healthcare, right or whatever, but it's just you were in the room close to the patient and for whatever reason I thought I had the thing and I didn't. And like it just pop something open and it sprayed and the other person's face wearing a mask or nothing. I was like, oh, that's what I felt so bad after that. And like at the end of the day, like I told him immediately, I was like, look dude, I'm so sorry about. That. Was very unprofessional. Mia shouldn't happen. He's like, oh no, no, it's okay man. Like, you know, I got a knack any wiped his face on whatever. But I made sure at the end of the day that again, I went back to him. I said what? I said it before and I'm just going to say it again before in the shift what happened back there like, that shouldn't happen.

Ransom: 01:07:09 That was very unprofessional. Me and again, he tried to defend me and he's like, no, no man, it's okay. But in that point in time, like, you know, I put him in danger, man. I don't know what that patient could have had like his face and his eyes maybe gotten in his mouth. I don't know. Right. And like I said, you know what? I appreciate defended me, but that was not okay. Like when you got to know the boundary, like again, if it's about endangerment and stuff like call it out, they're going to sit there and defend you. It'd be like, you know what? You're wrong dude. Like that's a dangerous situation up looking back did you. That shouldn't have happened and it's not going to happen again. From then on, they like me and that guy were, we're cool but, but you know what I mean, just admit when you're wrong and it's so much better when you save versus somebody else calling you out on it. Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 3: 01:07:56 And of times it's just the politeness like Oh, don't worry about it. It's just them being polite and really they're like, you know, hey, thanks for, thanks for holding that shit like that. I appreciate. Definitely.

Ransom: 01:08:07 And again, when you're doing your apologies again, be sincere and that specific moment I was very specific about what just had and I'm sorry it shouldn't have happened and it's not going to happen again. You know, my bad to. Sure. So anyway, so that's always good stuff. Next point, begin friendly. Does sound familiar in like that? Sometimes, like I said earlier, it's to them especially, especially if you know this person and you hate this person's guts every, you know, want to punch them in the mouth, but uh, you know, just when you see them, just try to be as friendly as possible. I mean there are some people that don't deserve it, but for the most part, especially in a workplace when the two of you have to be there and there's nothing you can do about it, you might as well be friendly. It's going to make your day go a lot better than it is if you guys started off and start arguing and cutting each other off, like as it's going to make your day worse, it's better to cut your losses at the beginning.

Ransom: 01:09:17 Just be friendly and then from there we'll be on our way. You know, I don't know when those people that you're saying that don't deserve to have you be friendly to them, but other people I have to be extra friendly to nominate dickies friends, close enemies. Let's think. A lot of times I feel like they just need a little bit more nicety in their life, you know, like I got to keep me a little bit more than that. I normally like I'm a juice shop, a little, like you're having a rough time and I'll make sure I do up a little bit more than normal. That's true. That's true. This is, I'm just kind of going along with our next statement of getting yeses. I kind of in the digital age book, like they talked about, um, different scenarios of letters like going out to people for whatever.

Ransom: 01:10:11 You can mail a letter, like a memo. Yeah. Like there was this one, uh, I guess incident when somebody newspapers were getting damaged it. Was that an old book too? Or is that. Yeah, so in the new book, This newspaper company was losing money because they had, not only that, they have to reprint these newspapers, have to deliver these papers. Again, people. So what the letter it initially said was like, oh, we're sorry. We're no longer going to deliver a new newspapers. For those that are damaged, we're only going to be getting a refund and like, okay, that's a pretty legitimate statement, but some people are kind of pissed about that, right? So the reward or the letter was um, you know, to get them to have rhetorical statements that people say yes to, which is kinda weird. So whenever you're in a sales or whatever, they always teach you, like try to get yeses.

Ransom: 01:11:08 Even it's like, hey, did you know, was traffic light today? Was like, Oh yeah, you having a good day. All of these things like you, when you get the more yeses, you get, like at the end we have to ask the final question. It's easier for them to say yes because they've said yes more than it was say no. But the way they wrote this letter is like, oh dear, valued customer. Like just that statement alone. Like as you're reading it, you're thinking to yourself, yeah, I am a valued customer. You know what I mean? We understand that people have had damage newspapers and you're like, again, yes, that's me. I've had a damaged newspaper. Right? And it's like, even these statements that you're saying to people, right, being friendly, just saying rhetorical statements that people say yes to like just doing that alone is kind of similar to having them say yes on their own, know what I'm saying.

Ransom: 01:12:00 And so there's, the way that letter went on, it was like, oh dear, valued customer or some people are getting this and you know, we want to apologize for that. And like, and they're saying all these statements that people like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And they're like, with rising gas prices and the cost of paper, it's difficult for us to, um, to reprint these papers and redeliver them to you. So in order to come to an understanding of agreement between everybody involved, we are just going to give refunds instead. You know what I mean? But you see how that second letter was a lot awful was a lot more crafted by starting off with these good things and getting people to say yes by the time it's like, well, I really wanted a new paper, but because of all these other things, I guess a refund is fair.

Ransom: 01:12:49 You know what I mean? So something like I don't want a refund, I want my freaking paper to, okay, I can kind of see it and you know, if a refund is what you're going to give me, it's better than nothing. You know what I'm saying? At least with the cost of the damage paper that I can't read. Right. And I got a free paper. So just getting people to say yes or again, if you're listening to people, if you're paying attention to what they have to say that, I mean you can save rhetorical statements that are going to make them say yes. You know what I mean? Like oh, those shoes look really nice. Like if you know that person loves red and they just bought a red watch, red shoes and a red cap, like a nice hat, nice shoes. Like you know they're going to say yes because that's their favorite color.

Ransom: 01:13:34 Like know what I'm saying? Like you're getting them to say yes. But anyway, I didn't know it was a good story. I like the theater version, this one. Be careful with it. They can get, it, can get cheesy and kind of fake and people catch on, especially it's, it's kind of well known per se, but it has good psychological benefits. Just be creative with your use of it. Getting them to say yes, which is why I like that newspaper story. I was like, wow, this actually kind of cool how they do that. In their mind they're saying yes even though you've

Speaker 3: 01:14:12 never really asked the question, what is this tune in next time for things you should know about your mind. Alright. So getting along, letting the other person talk. I think we kind of beat this, um, again, these, these concepts in these books kind of repeat them. So yeah, there's a lot this book, a lot of stories from his classes he taught over the years. So there's a lot of stories from students. Um, and then same thing, we've kind of talked about this already a field. The idea was was somebody else's. Let them make the idea, felt like it was their idea. I'm getting the other person's point of view and we've kind of talked about this already a bit, being sympathetic to the other person's ideas and desires. This is touched on this a little bit as well, but this is something that, you know, it's easy to trample over people. You're especially like your, your, your employees or something along the line. You're like, you know, buying gloves is a huge waste and we really don't see the benefit. It's like, listen, my hands are so chewed up at the end of the day, like a half a penny, rubber gloves. It really improved my quality of life. You know, I understand what these people are saying, like give it it a second, understand what they're trying to get after it. Don't, but don't just dismiss everything because it's not your idea or it doesn't align with what you want. Yeah, and definitely

Ransom: 01:15:41 really, you know, just being sympathetic again to people's ideas and desires. You may not be in complete agreement with what they're saying or the basis, the basis behind their opinion, but you still can learn something from that conversation. You know, this is another moment. Another opportunity to, you know, allow them to feel important again and also Dan, these things kind of repeat, but at the same time it's all about building,

Speaker 3: 01:16:15 but they might work harder either way. Motives. What are your, what are your ideas on that is know that grander vision that, that the greatest thing. It's not about what I want is on about this short term thing. It's not about saying, okay, what are we working towards? Where are we going, how can this improve? How can we get to the next level, whatever it is, understanding the greater thing that the broader vision, the global whatever you want to do that.

Ransom: 01:16:53 And that's kind of, this kind of goes along the lines of the most things like, granted, most people are into themselves and we all are. However, for whatever reason, it's more inspiring for people to do things for other people or other. I mean, that's why we have all these foundations as far as charities. Um, you know, for me, you know, if I didn't have my son, like I probably just would be some little dude just working part time, having fun. But you know what I mean, but now that I have a greater cause, my son's in my life or when you start a family and like no, people don't necessarily change, but you know, their, their motives. Do you know what I mean? Like the things that they feel important change and that kind of causes them to change in their life. You know, like a guy who just starts a family who don't party as much, he'll work more, he'll be at home more, you know, those kinds of things.

Ransom: 01:17:48 I'm just like a person who just works a regular job, nine to five, whatever. But now all of a sudden you have this outreach program at work where you know, they can go out and make a difference. And in other people's lives, some people will take to that and they'll, they'll be more enthusiastic at work again, they'll feel more important. You know, these are all things that this book is all about. So now the next one is the dramatize your ideas. Did you get this to this one in the new book? I think I did, but I don't, I, nothing comes to mind and this is weird. It's like kind of like a soap opera kind of feel of popular ideas and adding all this drama and went out into, I think they might've taken it out of the new book. Um, I can see why they may have, but this is more about getting people to feel a part of something.

Ransom: 01:18:50 Everybody wants to feel either part of the fantasy and slash or like they're helping. So when you make something sound better, it's, you know what I mean? Like I guess the, Hey Tyson, we're gonna, we're gonna go camping this weekend and it's just going to be me and you want to go like versus Tyson dove. We're going to go camping and do it. I invited and I know me and I even might be setting might be coming. I mean like it, it just sounds better when you have the character to it, you know, when you give hype to it again, don't be fake about it. Like make it genuine. No liberal person is interested in so that you know what to dramatize. Right. Um, about your announcements, but you know, you, you got to make it. We have only so many days and our years to live in this life and nobody wants to live a mediocre life. Everybody wants the good stuff. So, you know, when you have your ideas, make them appealing, make them appalling, make them something that everybody would enjoy. And I think that's kind of what that section of the book is about. But I'm guilty of just hyping the shit out of stuff. Sometimes a little too much. It wasn't that fun.

Tyson: 01:20:09 Come down and match.

Ransom: 01:20:10 But yeah, I mean be realistic. But then again, you know, there are times when people hype it up and then that actually gets them to go and running that going camping would have been a lot better. You know, their experience camping was a lot better than how they just stay home, right? What I'm saying. So you gotta you Kinda gotTa give a merit to that. But again, don't be fake about it and you kinda got to be careful about um, repetitiveness and over, um, oversell something. And then you get into a habit of being that person that that's a hard one to break too. So it was kind of like, Oh, here we go with this game you just said about the last hundred events we went on. They're all boring to say about the last thing of cookies we were trying to sell us. So you know, get hype, but be, be real, be legitimate about it. You can't oversell slightly, but the one under deliver

Tyson: 01:21:11 you often. Last one in this section is, is a challenge the challenge? We got a weekly challenge.

Ransom: 01:21:23 No, but I mean definitely. Again, this is about being positive, being hopeful. Nobody wants to look at the disappointments in their life or problems that they have in their life or the drama. Some people are drama Queens, but nobody likes to look at the negative things, right? If you can take this problem that you have or this mediocre task that you have been given and you can some way make it fun and enlightening, right? People will approach a chat was people will step up to a challenge more than tackle on a common problem.

Tyson: 01:21:59 Just how it is, you know, um, what was the story in the new book? Dude? I, I, again, I don't, I don't remember. Sorry. I don't recall. No, I was just wondering if I'll get through it. I guess what in the original, they had a story, a Charles Schwab. Schwab was, I think it was a steel factory or something along those lines is like, production was kind of down. Is like, hey, how are we going to motivate these guys? Oh No. Yeah, they had the. They had the same. Go ahead. Go ahead. Yeah, go ahead. So he goes on and say, oh, I mean, whatever. I mean we just, you guys did. They wrote a piece of chalk on the floor for the next crew comes in and goes, what's that four on the floor for me? Oh yeah, I'm back in the morning. The morning crew comes in and goes, oh, that goes back 10 years and all of a sudden production was up. Morale was up. Just a real simple. The issue, the challenge in it. Everybody's tries to, to, to bring out the best in themselves and their teams. And

Ransom: 01:23:06 I think they had that same, they had that same story, but now that mentioning that, um, uh, this might've been in the leader of one, but they had a situation where the guys were not wearing their hard hats and it was like a real safety issue. And like every time the manager went around and just kind of told people just reminded AIDS, safety issue, you got to wear your hat. Really? Nobody was wearing their hard hats. So he kinda changed up his approach and he approached people, started questioning me. He's like, Hey man, I noticed you were wearing a hardhat. It's like, is it, is it uncomfortable to wear Nike? Like changing it up is. I know it's, it's not uncomfortable to where he's like, well, is it, is it like I'm not fashionable they can, is there something we can do to, to make it either more comfortable or make it look better?

Ransom: 01:23:53 And the guy's like, no, that's actually kind fine how it is, you know what I mean? And then from there it's like, well, you know, the hats for your safety, right? Like we, we, we made the hat so that, you know, if there's an accident at work, like you don't get hurt and all of those things. And then like the guys like, yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. It's like, so you're sure the hat fits fine and it's okay. And he said yeah. And like just that conversation alone, like people had more compliance. They started wearing their hats after that conversation was like, he's addressing all the concerns is asking, Hey, what's going on? Um, you know, so it's just kinda like, uh, that was how we overcame it, right. Like, it's just a different situation. So yeah, it's kind of interesting. Different, different approaches, different approaches changed to protect what you're doing is not working.

Ransom: 01:24:45 Being a leader. Yes. Leadership. A first one. Praise and appreciation. I think we've kind of gone over this lock St. being gratitude, gratitude, gratitude, being thankful. This thing I heard was it yesterday, it was very interesting. They were talking about how the word thank you just become so overused and synonymous that people kind of ignore it. I don't know if I'm, I don't know if it's catching on where you're at, but nowadays a lot of the people said, I love you now. Actually, it's weird. I'm going into bed. I know your last name is gaylord, so I figured it would be, but again, my bad. I'm sorry. It's catching on. A lot of kids they don't say buy anymore. They're like, oh, I love you. Like this is what they say. Who knows what. Anyway, that sounds awkward. It. Hey, it's okay. Mad You up until last year you didn't start hugging people, so I'm okay with it now.

Ransom: 01:25:48 You're getting better. You're getting better. I'm getting better at working in work, in progress. Again, old things get played out I think is Kinda more of a story. So making the point was to make that appreciation sincere. Yes. You know, if, if people are starting to feel banking's a blanket word, you know, it's like, oh yeah, you know, hey, I really appreciate you coming on. How busy I was like, you don't even give a shit about what's going on. Like you know, versus grateful for your time. I really appreciate you coming down here and it's like, oh yeah, yeah. Oh yeah, yeah, definitely. Again, as we talked about and make eye contact and smile and then if you're thanking them, be specific about what it is you're thanking them for. No, it's like I appreciate and I just want to thank you for your help.

Ransom: 01:26:42 I couldn't get this done as fast as I did without humanity. It means a lot to me. Adding those additional words and being specific and being direct about what it is that you're thankful for. Um, those are all things that just Kinda, you know, helped build that relationship. The next one, mistakes you got with us. Who new book. I'd like to hear about this again on the new book. So I guess, um, it was a baseball game. Sorry, I'm not a baseball fan. Two Thousand and 10. I gotta look it up here. But um, it was a pitcher who threw a near perfect game. His name was. Armando got a Raga and basically this was, I guess it's between the Detroit Tigers. I guess he was a pitcher as a Detroit Tigers at time. Anyway. Sorry, I'm not a baseball fan murdering it for those that are.

Ransom: 01:27:36 But anyway, um, hugh through a near perfect game, basically he got 28 batteries off and he was on the last one and from there the last batter actually got a hit. So with that, you know, he still wanted the perfect game, so the first baseman got off base to grab the ball and then the pitcher ran over to first base and as he was running over to first base, the first baseman threw the picture of the ball and he caught it around the same time that the runner past. I mean everything happens so quickly, right? And so, so fast. Um, and then when the umpire was looking at it from his angle, whatever the case might be, he's like safe. And like that was like the end of the game. I mean, it wasn't in the game, but it was the end of his perfect game anyway. And so, um, got rago when, you know, after the game was over he went to just review the tape. It is to kind of make sure everything was okay and see what was going on and I'll, from the thing, if you look on Wikipedia, you can see it in slow motion. I mean, I don't know what it looked like, a real emotion, but emotion decide who.

Ransom: 01:28:52 But uh, yeah, you can definitely see that. Um, he should have been out. It should have been a perfect game. Again, that was bad on the umpires part, right? Jim Joyce was on our that game and he made a bad call, you know, he made a mistake and um, I just kinda like the story goes on in the book to say that both of them watched the tape at the end of the game during the interviews, both of them. Um, I'm gonna Rocco was really kind as okay. I did the best I could on, pardon me, the call that he thought was correct and you know, that was a game. He didn't sit there and gripe about it. He didn't say, Oh, I watched her be viewed with the umpire was bs, blah, blah, blah, whatever, whatever, whatever. And then to follow up on that story in the locker room where they were debriefing for the game, she enjoys, actually walked into the locker room fire.

Ransom: 01:29:46 Yeah. At the umpire walking into the opposing team's locker room in front of the whole team. Whatever. Walked up to dollar Raga and tears in his eyes. He's like, man, I'm sorry dude. I made a bad call and sorry to. And like they hugged it out in a locker room, like was crazy. So like just this, those kinds of things about, you know, making mistakes where there, you know, sometimes it's intentional, sometimes it's not like in that case like umpire saw what he saw, he just had to make the call on the spot. They don't know what he was going through. Like I wasn't in his situation and I mean he's just doing his part. Like that's what he saw. He had to call into the call. So I just Kinda,

Speaker 3: 01:30:27 I really liked that story because it would've been so easy to get up there and there's blame the bullshit. I fucking Miss My. No, no, like this is book. And everybody was like, yeah man, I get it. I feel you. Like I understand your pain. Fire could have been like, I ain't watching that fucking replay. I know to call. I made the call. I think I went home and never ever saw that. But I wonder if I got that right. Like I want to learn from this. I want to make, make not make this mistake again. Like I cost this guy something that may never happen in his career again. Yeah, exactly. I don't want this mistake to happen again. He not only did you go look at the tape and say, Oh shit, I fucked up. He went and talked to the guy. Hey Shit, man, I'm sorry about that.

Speaker 3: 01:31:15 I fucked up. Yeah, see. Exactly. And then it's interesting now because at the time of that game was 2010, right? We just talked about it already after in 2014 baseball had instant replay, right? Yeah. That was the point of instant replay. But that's, that's just shows you, you know, the level of character. Each of these, these gentlemen had to not only not pass blame, not criticize. And you'll take, hey, it is what it is that game's over. It's out of your control. It's in the past. Nothing you can do to change when it happened. Yeah. That just shows you, you know, you can do two separate people. The amount of respect you're going to gain from people when you can just own up to this stuff saying, I

Tyson: 01:32:00 fucked up. I made a wrong call. You know, I had the information I had in a moment. I made a decision was wrong one on me.

Ransom: 01:32:06 Yeah, for sure. And that's kind of takes us again to the next point. Owning, owning your space before giving criticism. Nope. Just like a, just like 12 rules, right? Like get your house in order, right? To criticize others, criticize others, man. Um, you know, basically as a leader, like when you're wrong and you mess up, like you got to fess up to it, you've got to again do them immediately. Like once you noticed a mistake, don't let it go on for like a month later and be like, hey, you know, last month, like by that time it's way too late. Like as soon as it happens, when mistakes are made as a leader and you've got to get out there and be the first person to set the example and like, Hey, this was a mistake that was made. I was a blousy, whatever or anything like before you sit there and judge other people for the mistakes that they're doing, like you, you gotTa, you gotta be able to call out your own person and that's just, that's just how it goes.

Ransom: 01:33:03 You know, nobody. And in the book and the digital book, they talk about nobody likes a leader who takes all the credit for all the goats and then when the blame comes on, they just pass the blame onto somebody else. Like I, I, I'm sure many of you out there listening to this right now, no more than a few managers like that. And it's like, Oh yeah, that guy takes all the credit when everything is on his way. But when, whenever these went opposite ways, he's blaming and all his workers. It's like nobody likes it like that.

Tyson: 01:33:32 No, and that's not good leadership. We can call that leadership has just a dictator and then that leads into the next, next thing. Questions, not directions. I really, Jocko, he speaks a lot about this, like I'm questioning and, and, and giving people the information and the things like this is why we're doing this, you know, what I'd use, do you have. And it goes back to talking about earlier making this thing your own

Ransom: 01:34:01 right? Yeah. And I don't know, maybe that's for the hardhat thing came in just Kinda kinda interesting in the hard hat one. Sorry, I would just be right back. Sure. But I'm in a hardhat one or whatever like yeah, it's the same thing instead of sitting there and dictating that they had there where there are hats, like he's asking him questions like does have fit, you know, is it comfortable, is it fashionable? Like, you know what I mean? Do you know what it's for? You know, those kinds of things kind of help people move along.

Tyson: 01:34:35 It is, it's interesting to psychological change when it becomes your own realization instead of somebody telling you,

Ransom: 01:34:43 yeah, that's true. And then I'm on the new book. They had a, they had a system in place at one of their work. I've, I forget where the, where the story was, sorry, I'm kind of blurring all these, but anyway, what did was they had this new system come in and they allowed all the users to freely use it and they didn't penalize them for the mistakes. Right? Because as soon as he sees them come in and it's like, Hey, this, do whatever you want, whatever, whatever, whatever. Any errors that come through, just let us know about it so that we can correct it. It's not, and we're not going to penalize you. So like all of their employees were in there and they said that everybody used it and they were more willing to use it because they weren't penalized for it versus the same or you know, a new system started in another workplace and they told everybody how to use it in the city.

Ransom: 01:35:36 If you get it wrong, you're going to get penalized in that workplace. They said that some of the minor workers who who they actually learned to do their work without using the system at all because they didn't want to be penalized for it, for making mistakes, own tag versus in the other one would. Anybody was free to make mistakes. They didn't get penalties for it. They just got rewarded for coming up with new ideas. Everybody. Everybody used the system and they learn so much more about it. Wow. That's kind of interesting fact, right? I mean like what would you rather do? Would you. We just got a new computer system at work rather than me tell you, hey, do whatever you want with that man and make as many mistakes because you cannot do it so we could figure it out. Now find bugs versus license.

Ransom: 01:36:23 This is how you do it and if you don't adhere to this, you're going to get docked. Right? I'm using this thing. I ain't doing Dr. Yeah. For some reason I don't know how to use or you training for it or even even like, well, I'm going to have to take four times as long now because I'm gonna. Have to go through everything so methodically before I submit this and before I enter an entry or whatever it is. Yeah. So anyway, yeah, that's cool man. Uh, interesting. And then the next one of the other person save face, you know, like, you know, take, take, take up the slack for them. You don't know. It wasn't really, you know, I'm in charge of, you know, it's on me. Come on, bring me the heat. I don't know, I'll take it. Yeah, I mean again, depending on your workplace or depending on your environment, you Kinda, you kinda gotta watch out about that and you kind of have to not saying don't do it, but just again, recognize patterns if you're always the person that keeps taking the blame, the boss has got to see two days like, I know a Tyson, I know you have you a fuck up, but nobody can mess up that bad.

Ransom: 01:37:35 The naming private pile, like who is the real culprit here? Who's actually doing this? Like just being aware again, do this sincerely. Genuinely don't get trapped into patterns of things happening. Um, but other things that can kind of help people save face is, you know, whether you discipline them privately or whether you discipline them public.

Speaker 3: 01:37:57 Yeah, that's a big one. It just kind of lost when you're getting, you're getting, you know, reamed for in front of all your coworkers in front of customers and you're just like, not only know, you feel bad about what you did and the conversation you have with your boss. Like all these fucking people are looking at me and I just feel like a giant piece of shit right now. Yeah, Dude. I actually,

Ransom: 01:38:18 one of my, one of my jobs like this kid let his girlfriend or whatever drive the delivery cart or whatever. And she didn't have a license. I don't think the boyfriend knew that but she didn't have her license so she was because she just, she doesn't drive it. She spun out and she wrapped it. Oh. So the boss came outside and he called security. Right. And we're over there, blah blah blah. And then like right in like these people just got into an accident in the car. They both got into an accident. Ems didn't even get there yet. Boston is just ripping into them. He's like, do you have a license? And he's like looking at his employees, like how could you let her drive? She doesn't even have a license and like everybody's watching like security, like I'm there. I think the cops had gotten there already but the ambulance wasn't there.

Ransom: 01:39:08 This guy's just like ripping into this employee and his girlfriend and I'm like, I was like, okay. So like finally when there was a pause moment when he actually took a breath, I was like, hold on boss. I look at them as like, are you two? Okay? I was like, do you need an ambulance? You know, we will called the ambulance right now. But like, are you okay? Like you just got into a car accident, you just kinda gotta like, stop that, you know, for me, I just stepped in and I kind of saved it. But that's the kind of conversation like you, you save that for when you're going to fire that person and like sit them in the room and you'd be like, okay, you know what happened? And for these reasons, I gotta let you go, don't sit there and do that in front of everybody in front of the police or from the security officer and just rip into this person. Like that's not going to build any type of relationship whatsoever with that.

Speaker 3: 01:40:02 I mean, I'm sure we all know what it feels like when you're, you know, you're, you're the, you're sitting there and you're listening to somebody get just get chewed out.

Ransom: 01:40:11 Yeah. Like, I don't even feel. I didn't feel I was like, yeah, but that was definitely a tough one. And then there's also, um, with the safe face things I have here at broad perspective, you know, what that is like when you're trying to, you know, like let's just say an incident happened in the office and like you gotta be careful with this broad perspective thing because like, you know, everybody who works in the office knows what the incident is and they know who it's referring to. I mean it's like some person was standing up at the front gate and was found like, come on, there's only one person that did that. We're trying to make this anonymous, but everybody in the office knows who you're talking about, like be careful about those kinds of situations. Um, and again, be tactical, but maybe you can even seems like, hey, at any employer or in general or when you know, when this company is looking for employees, it's looking for employees who are a, B and c and I mean just kind of maybe do a broad perspective and don't just sit there. Again, it's hard to hear I'm wrong from somebody else know. I mean we'll going to tell somebody else that they're wrong. Like it's kind of hard to take. So anything you can do to help make that pill easier to swallow, like maybe not use their name, it'd be like for ransom evoked is, uh, but you know what I mean? So that's always funny. Say. So we had an incident in honoring the thing that Tyson, because there was, you could just say it was you. No, no, no.

Ransom: 01:41:58 We know exactly what you just did. It's not, it's not worth it. If you're going to do something like that, do it in private. Yes. And then I guess the opposite is true, right? We're talking about praise, right? So crazy. The little things. Um, again, things you do publicly and privately, like they did a good job. Let everybody know, right? Don't sit there and be like take them in the back office. Hey, what you did was really good. Like what good does that do? And be careful with that because that could get overused. You know, like we talked about earlier in the episode, I'm overpraising people, great copies that you weren't a massive coffee machine. It's like listen man, like, yeah. But again, same thing with praise and same thing with when you got to give reprimands, do them often, we'll make it an isolated incident and call it out as soon as it happens, as soon as it happens, you got to call the events out.

Ransom: 01:43:19 Like can you wait way later on like you know, far from the event when it happened, that person not to remember. Nobody's going know me and if it's something good, do it publicly in front of everybody and be like, Hey Tyson, a really good job on that thing and make sure like everybody hears, you know, everybody here a boss say that anything to do and just like anything, the little things add up. It's not always about, oh, just that one time, this is about every other week. Like Tyson's doing this. Like again, be sincere, build that relationship.

Tyson: 01:43:52 This is what I really, really like is giving somebody a reputation to live up to. Like there's some good stories in the book, but I've used this a few times and it's interesting to talk to. I know your hard work. I know you're, I know this is, you know, whatever, all these things in it. Like, you know, you know, I am giving this person his reputation. It's like I know you're a trustworthy person, you're not going to break contract. And it's like, you know, I'm not, I am a trustworthy press your right. And, and you know, and using that as, you know, maybe leverage in a way or whatever, have, you know, if you give this person this thing than I'm like well now I have to be a good student. I have to be the leader of the captain because this is what I'm told I am and this is what the expectations as been set for me.

Ransom: 01:44:48 Yeah, I definitely like that. And again that encourages buy in, right? That encourages the individual to take ownership and take participation into song something versus you just sitting there and be like, well, what you should be like anytime we start with that, what I should be, I'll tell you what, I should be almost like my, you know, what up, you know, where, yeah, that's what I should be doing. But I'm letting you talk about encouraging, you know, and everything. The next thing we'll encouragement like you know, you build people up, like you give them the role model, right? To live up to and then have them inspired to be that. Like that works a lot, you know? And then it just talks about, you know, we talked about doing a reprimands, right and doing, I'm trying to save face, but you know, you to do encouragement, you can give praise when somebody's doing something right, but when they're doing something wrong, like you got to encourage them to get back on the board, you know,

Tyson: 01:45:51 or even when they're learning something, it's like listening step two and three. I know you messed up last night. So the next one, let's try this again.

Ransom: 01:46:02 Yeah. And that's Kinda just, you know, you can give encouragement even when things are going poorly. You don't have to reprimand them. That's to me, that's always a good thing to say. Positive. We stumbled before we got this. This time. You got it. I mean those things with all of these things are all positive, so we don't want any negativity

Tyson: 01:46:32 isn't the one last one. I'm trying to.

Ransom: 01:46:36 Yeah, to it. I guess just looking forward, I can kind of get me in here. So if you notice these kinds of things that we're talking about here, it does involve a stronger character. It does. You, you know, talk less about yourself if you're the leader in that position or even if you're just trying to mean going meet with people. So just, just kind of undergo and understand that when you're trying to win friends and influence people, like you're taking on risk, but you're exposing yourself because you know it's not all about you. You don't always get to take credit, right? You don't always get to, you know, in fact, some of the times you're often giving the credit to other people in taking the blame, like as a, as a leader, like you just, you have to do that and just kind of know that, you know, sometimes when you're in those roles, you got to hide your heart.

Ransom: 01:47:26 No, it's not as a leader. It's so easy to just get discouraged yourself if you always giving the credit to somebody else and taking the blame for everything else. But just understand that all of these things, you know, it does put a great weight in a great pressure on you. However, in the end, when you build these friendships and you build these networks of people, um, who are willing to do things for you because you do that for them, like that to me is the golden rule. Like that's what all of this is for. So just understand that doing these things is hard. It's going to be hard, but at the same time the reward is going to be so much better anyway.

Tyson: 01:48:05 And that's the last bullet in here is getting people to be happy with the things that you suggested and, and, and your ideas and stuff. When you get his buy in and people are happy to come to work and work on that project and they feel like they're a part of it and they're, they're, they're, they're important and they're somebody and they matter. All these things will just make everything run and be so smooth, so well oiled. Oh, all right. I think that wraps it up. I'm going to stay a long episode of guys, but uh, it's a good book. We got things from different verses in this book. So yeah, it always find that you accidentally got the new copy. That was pretty cool. Just one of those.

Ransom: 01:48:49 I was in a rush and I was like, I needed to download it real quick because I didn't have time to actually physically read it, but I'd like to change out those. Good.

Tyson: 01:48:58 That was good. I. I enjoyed the new new story. Just good. I'm excited to read the new version of myself and this week's challenge. I challenge you folks to not argue at the least. Really, really tried to to lessen the argument. Less net verse argue. I got a hard time with it. I know a lot of people do. Just give it your Dang best to to not argue. Lead people to come up with your ideas. Help them see things maybe from your perspective and you guys will come together and and have all this great buy in to your project. Whatever it is you're working

Speaker 3: 01:49:48 on, it makes people feel like they're contributing and let them contribute to the thing. And last but not least, give these guys a pat on the back. Give everybody that praise deserve. Give him that encouragement, push them along, help them through, let them know they're doing a good job, not just the big things. Also the small things. Let everybody know you appreciate them being there. You appreciate their time. You appreciate their hard work, their effort, their knowledge, whatever it is that you are getting from them.

Speaker 4: 01:50:20 Yeah, good.

Speaker 3: 01:50:22 Just adding onto that challenge. Do this genuinely. Don't make this some blanket run of the mill response. Do this genuinely and with sincerity and with Warner, and then with that final thoughts. You know, you guys gotta remember there's seven point 5 billion people on this earth at some point. You know, we all gotta get along to accomplish things, right? No Man's an island, right? There's no I in team. There may be a me in team, but there's no I in team, you know, and you just, you know, this book is all about, you know, meeting other person halfway, creating a win win situation so that both parties involved get along. And that's. I can't stress that enough with this episode and with these final thoughts, don't always think about yourself as being the star of the show. Don't always take credit for everything and don't always pass the blame off to other people. We have to get along in order to do that. That requires collaboration amongst everybody and at some point everybody has to have value.

Speaker 4: 01:51:35 No,

Speaker 3: 01:51:37 that's it for today. Absolutely. And if you're looking to add value to people's lives this holiday season, I would encourage you to come check out on the holiday helper fundraiser we have going on. We're not doing any more giveaways to the rest of the year of 2018. That's it. We're done. We're focusing on in our communities, giving back, finding different ways we can help people have a better holiday season if you'd like to know more about what? I'm up to the holiday helpers, all about. Head over to facebook and search for holiday holiday helper. Uh, there's a short little video I put together, um, about, about my ideas. I'm some food drive stuff, helping out. I'm giving some gifts for filming kids wishlist at the children's home. And I'd like to, um, I'm looking for people to help pay the rent as well for December, if you'd like to learn more and contribute head over to facebook and search for the holiday social holiday helper or you can head over to the social show slash holiday helper and it a you read on facebook page and then, uh, in the show notes, I'll link to the original and the new updated version and you guys are interested in either one.

Speaker 3: 01:52:50 I'd recommend doing both and seeing, you know, I'll go with the old one and then see what the new ones that to say for the new things are linked to those different things. Talking about the different memory stuff or you're remembering names and whatnot. Also you guys can check that out as well.

Speaker 3: 01:53:07 And if you know these things that this episode will be helped somebody if they, if they haven't read this book or if they're, you know, maybe a not a fan or whatever. And you think it could become a better, a better leader, a better friend, a better communicator, sheriffs with these two people. You think that that matches with. And you guys can all follow us all week long on all your favorite social media apps at the social community and show if you're listening to the podcast version, you guys could leave a review that really grinny help our show. Also, don't forget to subscribe on Youtube if you're interested in the video version and all the links and everything you can find from this episode and all previous episodes in the that show. Until next time, keep learning growing and transforming into the person.

 

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